Last week, NYTimes.com posted an article titled “Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan In Your Movie.” I saw the link posted to Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr the day the article was published, with notes to encourage reading like, “this is a must read” or, cheekily enough given the January publication date, “best thing I’ve read all year”. Though the article touches upon Paul Schrader’s desperation to make a good film after a series of flops, it is mostly comprised of one of America’s favorite past times: discussing Lindsay Lohan’s failure, while speculating about her drug use.
I love a good snark fest, especially against the rich and famous. Imagine my surprise when my schadenfreude melted away and I was left feeling sorry for Lohan. Maybe not sorry for Lohan, so much as disgust for the rest of us who are not Lindsay Lohan, but are still talking about her constantly. Before the first paragraph ends, the author, Stephen Rodrick, notes that she moves through the Chateau Marmont as if she owns it, but in a “debtor-prison kind of way”. The next sentence divulges that Lohan’s mother is sitting a table away from her, attempting to eavesdrop on her daughter’s meeting for the film the title is referring to, Braxton Pope’s and Paul Schrader’s The Canyons.
The article continues in a similar fashion. Paragraph after paragraph of prose that is heavily seasoned with insults directed at the former Mean Girls star, with descriptions of other people treating her like utter crap in between. The only nonnegotiable clause in her contract for The Canyons is that she is not allowed decision making rights. Lohan sobbed for an hour and a half outside of Schrader’s hotel room after she missed a meeting and was consequently, though temporarily, fired. Lindsay had to have a crew member from the film accompany her on her lunch break because she wasn’t “allowed” off set. She verbalized that she was afraid her co-star, porn star James Deen, would garner more success than she will from the film.
It’s 7,500 words that crap all over Lindsay Lohan like she is a beaten up Jetta under a tree and we’re just a bunch of Blue Jays that ate some berries. It’s exhausting to read how everyone is against her, but even more tiring when you take into account how it’s really only propelled by her own terrible decisions.
Schrader had to tell Lohan, age 26, not to take sleeping pills after 3 AM when she has a 9 AM call time. She actually, and apparently literally, ran away from the aforementioned crew member who was supposed to watch her when she went out to lunch. She tried to miss her first day of work until Schrader told her she would be replaced immediately if she didn’t make it in.
Lindsay Lohan is a sad, sad person who can’t take care of herself, which is the obvious consequence when you’re spoiled nearly your entire life. I just wish that we could stop paying attention to it.
Image via ABCNews