Until recently, I had never experienced a true break up. The kind where, you don’t want them to call, but secretly hope they do. The kind where, everything reminds you of them. The kind where, something happens and you pick up the phone to call/text them before you realize that’s not something you can do anymore. The kind that leaves you crying in the arms of your husband, because you miss her so much. That’s right. This is not a break up with a boy. This is a break up with a best friend.
My best friend and I were joined at the hip. Have you ever had a person just get you? She was that person. She knew almost every thought that entered my brain and a day didn’t go by without talking to her. That is until a few months ago. Enter Douche-bag Magee (which is what I like to call him). Now, my bff had never been in a relationship before. She would date people, but was never able to make it more than a few weeks with a guy (she had commitment issues). When this relationship first started, I honestly didn’t think much of it. I knew there was a good chance it wouldn’t last before I was able to finish my milk in the fridge.
Then, it started. The delayed reply to text messages. The non-returned phone calls. Our once a week hang outs became “we will get together soon.” How could this happen? My perfect best friend whom I’ve trusted so much. How could she ditch me for a guy?
I tried several times to talk with her about our fading relationship, but she was never interested. “Oh that’s not true!” She would say when I’d tell her, “it takes you days to reply to a text, I haven’t seen you in a month, I barely know what is going on in your life.” I was losing my best friend and I didn’t know what to do.
As the weeks progressed it only got worse. Within a few months they were engaged and I quickly realized their relationship was anything but healthy. It became clear very quickly that he didn’t want her hanging out with anyone but him. If he wasn’t invited to an event she would lie and say she couldn’t make it. If he was around she “wouldn’t get my messages.” It was sickening.
I tried to hang on to this relationship with everything I had. Until now. I can no longer put up with the lying, ignoring, or hurt she has caused me. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially someone you call your best friend.
So now I do what any good girl does when a relationship has ended. I cry. I sing songs at the top of my lungs. I eat ice cream. I keep myself busy. I move on. It gets a little easier every day.
I know she will need me someday, and when she does I’ll be there. Until then, I’ll sit in my PJ’s, watch “Parenthood,” and try not to think about what I would give to have her sitting next to me.
You can read more from Shannan Bernico on her blog.
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