Apple patented a pizza box, but it's not *exactly* what we expected

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In the latest tech news that makes you go, “Hmm,” Apple patented a pizza box, the Guardian reports. Right now, synapses are probably firing left and right across your brain as you try with all your might to hone in on precisely WTF Apple could be doing with a friggin’ pizza box.

We’ve seen a pizza box function as a turntable, so we know they can become so much more than grease-absorbing pie holders. But what’s a-brewin’ with this Apple contraption?

As it turns out, the truth behind Apple and the Mystery Pizza Box™ is decidedly less exciting than it sounds.

via giphy

Wired recently toured Apple Park — the company’s new Silicon Valley campus — and had the pleasure of laying eyes on the pizza boxes, which are actually more circular. The 7-year-old patent application lists the head of Apple’s food services, Francesco Longoni, as one the inventors. The container is described as “structurally stable enough for containing an item in a variety of applications and is also environmentally friendly.”

Apparently, the company wasn’t aiming to make one of the biggest advances in pizza box technology. Apple simply wanted to provide employees an easier way to take food from the cafeteria back to their desks so they developed a container design that has holes in the top to keep moisture from escaping the pizza slices. Apple Food’s employees seemed to have a soft spot for the circular pizza container. As Guardian points out, they all signed one when Steve Jobs passed in 2013.

Well, that’s a really thoughtful gesture, but was anyone else hoping for something more futuristic and um, mass produced?  We are truly happy that Apple employees have one less worry (soggy pizza problems are the worst), but while they’re eating and working, we’ll be not-so-patiently waiting on a pizza box that syncs to our music library and opens, closes and rotates the pie to our favorite foodie playlist.

Thanks in advance, Apple!

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