Ann Coulter: Uuuuuuuuuuuugh

By now I’m sure we’ve all heard about Ann Coulter’s douchetastic gaffe, in which people finally noticed her perpetual use of that six letter word, which I haven’t heard since it wafted from the mouths of ignorant youths and through the halls of middle school: “retard”. I don’t know how she can throw it around so carelessly, I could barely type it without cringing.

If you don’t know who Ann Coulter is, can I come live in your cave with you and share your berry shrub? She’s a conservative pundit (and Madonna arm stand-in) whose ideas tend to focus on insulting and oppressing others. I’m pretty sure she’s a contender for Worst Human Being in North America.

But let’s let Ann Coulter speak for herself, because she can’t seem to stop her word-vomit anyway. After the third presidential debate, she tweeted the following:

By “retard” she meant the President. Of the United States. You don’t have to love the guy, but at least give minimal respect to the office he holds. And, oh yeah, WHAT KIND OF WORD IS THAT TO USE?

The following day, she tweeted about Obama’s campaign speech:

This isn’t the first time Coulter has used this word, either, it’s just election season and more people are paying attention. Back in September, she tweeted:

Special Olympics athlete and all around amazing human being, John Franklin Stephens, wrote a brilliant letter in response to Ann Coulter’s insensitive and downright ignorant comments. My favorite part:

“I thought first of asking whether you meant to describe the President as someone who was bullied as a child by people like you, but rose above it to find a way to succeed in life as many of my fellow Special Olympians have.

Then I wondered if you meant to describe him as someone who has to struggle to be thoughtful about everything he says, as everyone else races from one snarky sound bite to the next.

Finally, I wondered if you meant to degrade him as someone who is likely to receive bad health care, live in low grade housing with very little income and still manages to see life as a wonderful gift.

Because, Ms. Coulter, that is who we are—and much, much more”

I am not nearly as amazing as he is, nor can I use words in such a poignant, patient way. So instead, I would like to sum up this whole mess with a series of haiku dedicated to Ann Coulter:

Middle school antics
Children can be the cruelest
Wait, that was Coulter?

Many one-way flights
To Greenland this time of year
Free for Ann Coulter?

My ears, Ann Coulter
The sound of your douchery
It is deafening

Crazy Eyes McGhee
Attention. Attenion. Yeesh!
There you go. Happy?

ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh
ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh
Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh