Open Letters An Open Letter to WD-40 Annie Stamell

Dear WD-40,

Wow. Oh man. I mean, this? This is huge. If my dad knew I was writing you a letter he would FREAK OUT. See, I grew up in a household that ran on WD-40 thanks to my dear old Pops. We practically ate that stuff for breakfast (It keeps you regular) (That’s a lie, it doesn’t) (It might, what do I know). I would be all Hey Mom I can’t get this desk drawer to openand she’d be all “Ask your Father” and he’d be all Put some WD-40 on it” and then I’d be all “Hey Mom I’m hungry, what’s for dinner?” and she’d be all “Ask your Father” and he’d be all “WD-40.”

WD-40 is this strange magical elixir that seems to make everything better but in an even less comprehensible way than Windex. WD-40 is a Modern Marvel! WD-40 is BANANAS! Not literally a banana, but BANANAS, as in the plural and caps lock, as in the way I heard Gwen Stefani use it in that annoying song that one time.

You know what I like about you, WD-40? You’re kind of greasy and have this chemical smell that the kids really dig. And you should know when I say “the kids” I’m referring to myself when I was a kid, and also last week when I was sniffing around for the source of the WD-40 scent in the empty apartment down the hall where I took a brief a nap but not because I’m homeless or anything but because I’m weird and may or may not have a nostalgic attachment to the smell of WD-40 which on occasion has produced bouts of narcoleptic impulses in some people (“some people” also refers to me!).

Sometimes I wonder what WD-40 can’t do. According to the website, WD-40 has over 2000 uses. That’s a two followed by three zeros! That’s a lot of uses that I don’t even know about and maybe some uses that haven’t even been invented yet! Like if my brother’s cat is too fat and I spray WD-40 on her food does that mean she’ll eat less or does that mean she’ll die? And what about if I have a pimple? If I grease that bad boy up with some WD-40 it will totally be gone in like five minutes, right?

Look I just can’t comprehend all the amazing and magical things that WD-40 can do!  WD-40 is a Wonder of the World.  WD-40 belongs in the Hall of Fame! I don’t know which Hall of Fame and I don’t even care – just Hall of Fame that stuff! I mean, I don’t even understand what it is but I know that WD-40 just fixes the heck out of everything.

Now please do excuse me as I have to go brush my teeth with my WD-40-infused toothpaste. Don’t try that at home kids.

Kind Regards,

Stamos

 

Featured Image via MyPlainview

comments

Please help us maintain positive conversations by refraining from posting spam, advertisements, and links to other websites or blogs. we reserve the right to remove your comment if it does not adhere to these guidelines. thanks! post a comment.

  1. I remember when I was a kid, there was WD-40 in the garage (DUH), and I was out there hanging out with my dad and a piece of garlic bread (because garlic bread is the shit!). I must have got some WD40 on my garlic bread because I didn’t feel good for a while after, and I couldn’t eat garlic bread for like a year because it always tasted like WD-40 to me. Moral of the story: don’t eat WD-40, it’ll turn you off from delicious foods, temporarily. Or do, if you’re trying to diet. IDK.

  2. WD40 stinks but it works. Like VapoRub. (Except they are not interchangeable.) (Or maybe they are.)

    Nice story!

  3. Uses include:
    # Cleans hoof trimmers
    # Cleans milking machine pulsator
    # Removes ink from blue jeans
    # Cleans electrical contacts on slot racing cars

    and my personal favorite: Shines doll shoes!

  4. I love wd40 and use it often on anything I can. Recently I had a wasps problem and a cousin recomended it. After using up half a can of the something designed specifically for wasp unsuccesfully, I used WD40 and have not seen the wasp back again. I always have at least a can in my house :)

  5. that official list of uses is procrastination heaven. some of my favourites are ‘Shines doll shoes’, ‘Lubricates dog nail clippers’ and ‘Lubricates hinges on crawfish traps’. I NEED TO GO AND BUY SOME RIGHT NOW

  6. My sides hurt! Too funny

  7. A friend of mine said she used to wear WD-40 as perfume! :) Love that smell.

  8. ahhh, i love this. my dad solved all our household problems with WD-40 also.

  9. OMG, I love that stuff, was going to bring mine in to work because my chair has been really squeaky.

  10. Both of my parents are students of the magical WD 40. I’m glad it’s not just my house where one of the top suggestions was to try some WD 40.