Open Letters

An Open Letter to Throw Pillows

Dear Throw Pillows,

I have like nine hundred of you. “Like nine hundred” may be an exaggeration. It could be closer to seven. No wait, it’s nine. Yes, I have nine throw pillows on my bed and you’re all worthless. Every last one of you – I mean, it’s right there in your name, see – throw – so this shouldn’t come as a surprise that I would rather throw you on the floor at the end of the day than keep you on my bed. I mean you are intended to be a pillow and to exist as a pillow but not for me to actually lay my head upon while I’m getting up in my REM cylce. Sorry but I have one very dependable tempur-pedic cushion that takes care of the fragile stuff (my head and neck, duh). But throw pillows are silly and unnecessary and worthless… except for the fact that I love throw pillows.

Why do I love throw pillows so much? Isn’t it obvious? I am a girl. Girls love throw pillows. Right after braiding their hair and organizing the contents of their bags and gasping at unexpected news and silently coveting other girls’ clothes/purses/shoes, girls love to have piles of pillows. If I could have a bed made entirely of pillows I would. Although I guess that is what a bed is, right? One giant pillow for your body? Sure. So imagine if on top of the giant body pillow you then had a pile of all sorts of other pillows! Pillows of different sizes and shapes and maybe some of them are animals or your favorite characters from a cartoon show and maybe some are soft and some are textured and some of them have cases you can change but other ones are fish-shaped or bird-shaped or Ryan Gosling-shaped or something amazing like that and maybe you keep the cover on them all the time anyway because it’s a throw pillow that you don’t actually use so it’s not like it’s actually dirty! Yay throw pillows!

I can never have enough throw pillows. Throw pillows make my bed look extravagant and lovely and rich and like maybe my room is being used for a Pottery Barn catalog or like I’m the star of the movie which makes sense because if my life were a movie, I would be the star! Yes, that’s it right there – for some reason I couldn’t possibly begin to explain, throw pillows make me feel like a star.

Fond Regards,


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