Dear Dyson Airblade™ Hand Dryer,
I like to think if there were a God, and God invented Man, that God thought to himself “Let’s see what sort of crazy stuff this Man comes up with.” Then God waited for like 9,000 years (or was it, like, 3,000? I’m bad at math), to one day go to the bathroom in the airport and think, “This place is just teeming with germs. There is no way I am touching anything,” then, “Oh fiddle!” (God doesn’t swear you guys, duh) “How the eff (He probably uses slang every now and then, let’s be honest) am I going to dry my freshly washed germ-free hands without contaminating them before I jet off to Cabo? (as if God would vacation in Acapulco, gross).” But then, THEN, God turned around and there, before Him, was a Dyson Airblade™ Hand Dryer, something God thought looked a little bit like a robot or a primitive version of a Cylon (obviously God watched ‘Battlestar Galactica’, I mean He knows a thing or two about good TV obviously) and so God slowly dangled His wet hands into the high-powered air stream and didn’t touch anything and when He took His hands out, His Hands were not only germ-free but they were dry. Then God knew, He just like KNEW, you guys, that He did real good with this Man stuff.
So what I mean to say to you, the amazing Dyson Airblade™ Hand Dryer, is that you are, as they say, The Bomb.
Featured Image via ArchiExpo