Open Letters

An Open Letter to Snacks

Dear Snacks,

I would like to formally declare my love for snacks! See, I’m on the snacks diet. It’s a pretty good diet.

Wait, who am I kidding? It’s a GREAT diet! There’s a chance it’s even the healthiest of diets because like doctors and scientists and Us Weekly features tell us, people are supposed to eat something along the lines of five small meals a day, and what’s a small meal if not another expression for a snack?

The best part about a snack is that it’s usually portable. This is good if you are one of those people who turns into a scary hangry monster (hungry + angry = hangry) when you haven’t eaten in two or three hours or five minutes or six hours and then you can just keep snacks on you everywhere you go and whenever you go so then you will never be without snacks. One of my greatest fears is being somewhere without snacks. Horrifying!

Now, there are two major subgroups within the snack group – savory and sweet, and I think it’s safe to say that savory people will never understand how sweet people operate, and vice versa. For example, I like savory snacks like pistachios or pickles – anything that’s deliciously salty and potentially also refreshing. And also Cool Ranch Doritos. I implore other savory snacks enthusiasts to find me a treat that tastes better than a big greedy handful of those delicious orange-colored chips. I want to make out with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and then just say “to heck with it all!” and go elope to Vegas and get married and instead of throwing rice we’re just going throw some well-seasoned potato crisps and maybe from time to time I will have an affair with Cool Ranch’s distant cousin Nacho Cheesier, but for the most part I’m faithful to Cool Ranch and it’s pretty much the best marriage in the world.

The ideal snack is one that manages to perfectly blend salty and sweet, or somehow manage to satisfy both these cravings. Like applesauce. Okay maybe that’s a bad example because it’s not salty but there’s something about it – it’s not no too sweet and it’s got that nice sour apple tang to it. So it’s refreshing and delicious and satisfying and even better, you can buy “snackpack” sizes of applesauce which is pretty much the crème de la crème of snacks (this also applies to diced fruit and Jello pudding!)

Some other ways to achieve the much-coveted savory/sweet combo are as follows:

  • Peanut Butter on a Banana
  • Peanut Butter on an Oreo
  • Peanut Butter on Celery
  • Peanut Butter and Jelly
  • Peanut Butter M&Ms and Popcorn
  • Peanut Butter
  • Waffles and Chicken and Ice Cream
  • A little bit of salt on a carrot (weird, but delicious)
  • Pizza (Just go with it)
  • Granola on yogurt (then you get the crunchy-salty-sweet combo!)
  • More things with peanut butter

And I could keep going but I’d much rather go to my kitchen and see what’s in my fridge and find out what other snack combinations I can construct. Something with peanut butter probably.

Sincere Regards,



Peanut butter sandwiches image via ShutterStock