Open Letters

An Open Letter to Q-Tips

Dear Q-Tips,

Sometimes when I go awhile without showering – so like a day, or two, or three, or five or like if I’m camping or sometimes in the summer when “shower” really means “ocean”, there is something about the post-shower routine that I don’t know I’m missing until the sensation of loss is so extreme I will literally burst if I cannot get a Q-Tip in my ear.

I’m a firm believer that the best part of the shower is the post-shower Q-Tip swipe. I feel strongly about giving each ear its own focused Q-Tip sesh because like, oh my God, it feels so good to just stick that cotton swab in there and wiggle it around and pull it out and maybe monitor wax levels and then just let out a big sigh of relief and go about your business (and maybe your business is putting on deodorant or brushing your teeth or going Number Two or something.  I don’t know your morning routine, okay?).

Sometimes I will get all up in my ear and sometimes I will get all up around my ear and that’s a really good time to see how gross human beings are and when I say human beings I mostly mean me because it’s kind of weird how much guck collects back there and where does it come from?

Anyway, I remember this one time hearing about a friend who shoved a Q-Tip so far up her ear that her eardrum popped which is a huge bummer but maybe also an urban myth for obsessive compulsives. Either way, it’s always important to practice Q-Tip safety.

Q-Tips are also good for all sorts of other things but I can’t think of those things right now because I want nothing more than to take a shower and get a Q-Tip and clean out my inner ear like a boss. Like the boss of Q-Tips.

Fond Regards,


P.S. Regarding the “Purse Pack” – well done, Q-Tips, well done.

Picture via Swanson Health Products