Open Letters

An Open Letter to People Who Leave Voicemail

Dear People Who Leave Voicemail,


Don’t do it.

I know you’ve been trained to at the tone, but just hang up now. Do not leave a voicemail. If you are calling me right now and I am not answering just end it. For all our sakes. If you need to relay information to me that doesn’t require a response, go ahead and text or email me immediately after you hang up. That will suffice. A voicemail isn’t needed.

If you are a blood relative, MAYBE. Maybe you can leave me a voicemail. But then it better not be something like “Hi Annie it’s me calling, call me back when you can” because I can infer all that information from a “Missed Call” alert. If you need to say something like “Hi Annie I just ran into Ed McMahon at your front door bringing you all the lottery earnings you just won” then that absolutely warrants a lengthy voicemail, if not a carrier pigeon and perhaps also smoke signals and/or a fireworks display.

I mean, don’t you know that we are a rising generation of voicemail haters? We’re accustomed to looking for efficiency via technology.  In other words, do not make me go through the extremely annoying task of actively listening to a voicemail. Give me the opportunity to visually accept your message. That way I can do it while I’m on the phone or in a meeting or at a movie or out to dinner or on a bike ride or at the gym or in the car or grocery shopping or on a hike or at a concert or any of the other times when I am so very busy doing so many things at once and all of them on my phone and a voicemail is simply too disruptive.

I guess it’s not even that we hate voicemail or are driven by this desire for supreme efficiency, it’s just that we’re a rising generation of overstimulated ADHD tech-addicts and we only feel like we’re accomplishing something when we’re doing 17 things at once — and most of them online and on-the-go, so let me just stare at my smartphone like some sort of loner in peace!

Or am I just speaking for myself?

Whatever, just don’t leave me a voicemail.



Featured Image via The Love Collage