Open Letters

An Open Letter to LMFAO


Oh man. You guys. You guys are crazy! What with your big hair and your ambiguous ethnicity and your hipster glasses that may or may not be prescription (are they? Do you really need those glasses? Are you nearsighted or farsighted?) and your rockstar party lifestyle and your almost-too-perfectly ripped jeans – I mean, I can’t even keep up with all that crazy! It’s so crazy that I am confused! For example, I may have read somewhere you are comprised of an uncle and a nephew. Is this true? If so, do you compete in any special Uncle-Nephew competitions? Because maybe you should consider doing some! You boast of your dancing skills so I imagine you’d be quite agile. I feel as though somewhere in Minnesota you could compete in an Uncle-Nephew Logrolling competition – look into that!

Now, regarding your band – what does LMFAO stand for? I mean, sure there’s the obvious “Laughing My F-ing Ass Off” but maybe it means “Ladies’ Men For All Occasions” or “Lovely Massages Free All October” or “Let My Fangs Assassinate Ostriches” or “Leave Me For Antarctica, Okay?” or “Libertines Make Fantastic American Orthodontists!” And is it just the two of you? Or are there somewhere in the range of six to twenty of you? Because this one time I was watching So You Think Think You Can Dance and you performed and I did not know who was an LMFAO, who was a dancer, who was the cranky British guy who hates Ryan Seacrest, who was Mary Murphy’s drug dealer, who was Cat Deeley’s legs or like if there is a chick in your band or if that was one of the girls from S Club 7? And what ever happened to S Club 7? And what’s with the robot?

And if we’re being totally honest with each other, I must let you know I think you made up this whole shuffling thing. Furthermore, I think that people who are especially prone to not picking up their feet when walking have a real advantage at this new dance move. Wait, is that why you invented this shuffling? Are you guys really prone to not picking up your feet when you walk? Perhaps you are not so agile after all. Let’s reconsider the logrolling competition, okay?

Well, anyway, you guys seem fun and just let me know if you can maybe answer some of my questions or if you want me to assist you in your partying like rockstars or shuffling or finding out what happened to S Club 7.

Fond Regards,


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