Open Letters

An Open Letter to Lisa Frank

Dear Lisa Frank,

Oh my goodness, Lisa Frank! It is you! It is really you! I am so glad that my letter has reached out to you across the interwebs to the place of your Tuscon, Arizona Headquarters on Lisa Frank Ave – which, yes, you can find on Google (and probably Bing but I’m over Bing so I haven’t tried)!  I have so many things to say to you! Most of them are questions!

  • Who are you?
  • Are you a real lady?
  • Do you exist in the flesh or are you just the elusive figure of my childhood dreams? (And when I say childhood dreams, you should know that just two nights ago I dreamt I traveled to the Lisa Frank headquarters in Tuscon, Arizona, whereupon you greeted me on the back of a Pegasus named Magenta Sparrow River-Poodle with a bowl full of rainbow sherbet whilst an animated puppy painted my toenails iridescent turquoise. And you should also know that I am between the ages of 26 and 28).
  • According to his bio, Markie the Unicorn lives “in the clouds above the Fantastic World of Lisa Frank” in a place called “Airfluff Island”. Holy smokes! How do I get to this surely magical wonderland in the sky?
  • When will you branch out to apparel, but specifically for adult ladies, such as myself?
  • What is your daily drug regimen?
  • Can I visit you in Tucson, Arizona on Li sa Frank Ave?
  • What do you smell like? (I bet you smell kind of like a Strawberry Shortcake doll I got in a Happy Meal a few months ago – you know, like the slightly chemical but addictive scent of strawberries and artificial sweetener and a baby kitten and the residual foam that stays in the tub after you’ve drained your bubble bath? Like that.)

Oh Lisa Frank, I want nothing more than to be your real life acquaintance and to see where the magic happens! And in this case, I literally mean magic and am not making a reference to sex, because truthfully, that would be weird. And I may be weird, but I really like magic.  If I come visit you I will bring my diary that my BFF Amy gave me when I was in fourth grade so I can show you how strongly I still feel about the image of two kittens paling around in a Converse high-top, but mostly so I can show you how strongly I feel about you and everything the Lisa Frank brand means to me, after which I will make a strong case for why I should run your adult apparel division to reach out to the twelve-year-old girl inside of us all!

Please tell Markie I say hi and that I too like butterflies and dislike bullies and REALLY like discovering things and want to learn more about collecting stars.

Fondest Regards,

Stamos

 

Featured Image via Lisa Frank on Facebook

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