From Our Readers

An Open Letter to Guys on OkCupid

Dear Guys on OKCupid,

While I (sort of) admire your persistent nature, sending me four messages in one day does not make you appear more attractive. It does, however, make you appear creepy.

Speaking of attractiveness, I accept your decision to have lots of tattoos/piercings/weird facial hair. I could possibly, maybe, be persuaded that they are appealing (even though I’m really more into the whole clean-cut thing). But, I have to tell you, those extreme close-up, blurry mirror photos that you took are, well, lets just say, they’re blurry mirror photos you took of yourself; with your phone.

Also, wearing a shirt would help your case. No man’s abs are nice enough to make up for the lack of clothing. Except maybe Matt Barr’s, and I doubt you’re him.

Oh, and I know this is incredibly hard to believe, but I do not want to have a threesome with you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever. The fact that you had your “significant other” send this message for you doesn’t help. Oh, and I don’t want/need to be dominated. But thank you (I guess?).

I’m not sure what about my bio makes me seem as though I am someone who wants to date guys who are holding swords and/or dressed up in weird costumes in every single one of their self-taken photos, but please let me know what it is. So that I can remove it.

Finally, a shocking piece of advice, maybe you’d like to read my profile before you message me? And, in response to your verbose message where you wrote, “have sex with me”: Ew, no!


That Girl you messaged

P.S. Not to be a bitch, but there’s a difference between their/there/they’re. And “sexxxxy” is normally spelled with one “x” .

You can read more from Emma Thomas on her blog and follow her on Twitter.

  • Susannah Wells

    Falling short with shorthand:
    How ’bout receiving a message entirely composed of SMS shorthand (e.g. 2, u, ur)?!
    Don’t get me wrong, I love a good puzzle. Such missives always present a mindbending challenge. (Gotta keep those brains active!) Nevertheless, is it wrong to expect more from the initial contact? Like whole words, perhaps? Sigh . . . If only modern-day dating came with a secret decoder ring.

  • Daniela Scrima

    Also, dude I’ve never met, I’m happy you filled out all the survey questions to find out are high compatibility % but asking me if I want to meet up within the next hour makes me want to say “yes” and then take you to have dinner with my dad as a surprise.

  • Daniela Scrima

    Also, I WISH someone with a sword in their picture message. This just keeps getting progressively unfair.

    • Daniela Scrima

      in their picture messaged me*

  • Kaylin Young

    I get dudes with super sweet beards/facial hair and tattoos and hats and glasses and musical instruments. Maybe I am just lucky that 75% of the guys that contact me know how to read/write. Then again, I also specifically stated in my stunning profile how great I think all those attributes are in a potential date, especially the whole reading and beard thing. Plus, I professed my love for board games and dinosaurs. Maybe it is all in how you sell yourself.

    Also, I’ve noticed most of the cryptic messages I receive are from the shirtless clean cut guys with “abs.” Most of the sword wielding, costume wearing, music making, art creating, (well done) tattoo having gentlemen are articulate, funny, intelligent, and have copious interests and hobbies that they are more than happy to share with you… learning new things is awesome!

  • Sara Elizabeth Boyer

    I had a guy tell me, in all seriousness, that he was looking for a girlfriend because he didn’t want to be alone when the world ended. Yep.

    Also, I figured out why they all think we should be grateful they tossed a message our way. “We’re looking for a date online, therefore, we must be desperate.”

    I should have kept my profile active… it would have made a great book.

  • Rachelle Hahn

    Met my guy on OkCupid! He got lucky. He has tattoos, piercings, and interesting facial hair. Oh, and he had a shirtless photo up! He does however have a way with words and impeccable grammar. He also captured my attention with his love of Audrey Hepburn, ice cream, and how he knew how to handle a gun in his photo. He’s quite the mixture of a man. You never know… some shirtless, pierced, sword or gun holding Goofball might be the one!!

  • Christiana Dinkelmeyer

    p.s. guy who messaged me – please keep in mind that I don’t actually know you, we’re not friends, so self-deprication and telling me that you’d be “SO grateful” if I messaged you back (because noone on here ever does apparently) is kind of creepy and umm…forward. K thanks bye.

  • Sara Elizabeth Silva Puentes

    This should be an open message to ALL guys on dating sites. Ugh…

  • Colleen Sweeney

    If this isn’t 100% true. I am always asked what music I am into, when it’s right there on my profile. All they do is look at my photo, and send me a message. I thank you for thinking I am pretty, but please don’t message me just stating that.

  • Liz Haebe

    Oh wow. I think I got that message too, about a threesome. It was really odd. Guys on OkCupid are a little overeager for me. Sometimes, I just want to browse without having a million weird ‘Hey, U SEXXXXY’ comments. Blech.

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