Dear Girls Who Dress Up For the Gym,
Oh Sweetie (and I mean “sweetie” in the most condescending way you could possibly imagine, probably accompanied by pursed lips and a shake of my head). Don’t be that girl! You know, that girl in the perfectly coordinated Lycra spandex and the just barely-there make-up and precisely pieced up just-so hair that doesn’t even move a centimeter while she gracefully swings her arms on the elliptical machine. Don’t do that! We’re at the gym! A place where people are required to dress like slobs! A place where excessive sweating and body odor are not only expected, but welcome! A place reserved specifically for people to wear mismatched clothes and no make-up and disheveled hair and then huff and puff and get red in the face and perspire in awkward locations while increasing the angle on the treadmill and hopefully not falling off!
Now that I’m what some might consider “an adult”, the prevalence of the Girl Who Dresses Up For the Gym has certainly diminished. It was much worse when I was in college. College girls are the biggest offenders of dressing up for the gym. I once remember seeing a girl high-kick on a stairmaster with a ribbon in her hair and a popped collar on her Ralph Lauren polo. Do you want to know what I wear to the gym? I wear the really attractive combination of old leggings that have stared to pill and have a hole in the knee with an over-sized ratty t-shirt that says “Raoul” on it and flaunts my membership to the Berwick Academy Pep Band (I don’t even know if Berwick Academy is a real place, you guys). Usually I go to the gym in the morning, when I have just woken up so my eyes are puffy and bloodshot and my hair looks like Bob Marley stuck his finger in an electrical socket and then got blown up in a house fire. That is totally normal. That is the look of a normal girl who begrudgingly makes time to exercise. I mean, I should get an award for merely showing up at the gym (and so should everyone who ever works out, for the record). It’s like if you dress up or actively make yourself look pretty prior to working out you’re just flaunting it in my face and also you’re probably not even going to work out, so get off that machine it’s my turn!
The gym is not a place to look your best. The gym is a place where you do annoying and often painful things to your body with the knowledge that an hour from now you’re going to look great and hopefully a month from now, even better.
Part of the fun in going to the gym is that by the end of your workout you look so terrible and wretched that the getting-ready process turns into your own Pretty Woman-style makeover. Or it’s like you’re Tai from Clueless and “you could be a farmer in those clothes,” but in less than two hours you’ve transformed into Cher, “nice stems” and all! You get a before and after montage everyday if you start out looking gross. I mean, that alone makes it worthwhile!
Featured Image from Clueless, via Breaking Curfew