TREATS An Open Letter to Coconut Water Annie Stamell

Dear Coconut Water,

 I like you.

I do! I like you a whole lot. Now, do I like you enough to write you an open letter to be published on a website that anyone, anyone at all, can read? SPOILER ALERT: I didn’t think so but now it looks like I am, so apparently I do!

Why do I like you? Well, you are healthy and delicious! You taste like a refreshing afternoon of sailing in the Bahamas. I have never been sailing in the Bahamas but I imagine it tastes just like Coconut Water!

I have upsetting news to share with you, my dear friend (I can call you friend, right? I feel like we’re connected on a personal level now, thanks to my love of coconuts and your being descended from a coconut and me drinking you and what not), as I have started to notice a hot up-and-coming trend. Unlike the trend of coconut water, this up-and-coming trend does not make me happy. Oh no. This trend really grinds my gears.

What is this trend I’ve noticed? I am so glad you asked! You see, delicious and nutritional Coconut Water, it would appear that the newest trend is hating on you. It’s true. People don’t like you, and they are getting all up in arms about it. I’m seeing these arms up on The Twitter and the Interwebs and occasionally at the local supermarket like that time I saw a toddler throwing juice boxes of Vita Coco at his mother (in his defense, I will concede that of all the coconut water options, Vita Coco is NOT the way to go).

You, Coconut Water, are getting a lot of flack. And not just from toddlers in grocery stores (related: people of America, stop bringing toddlers to grocery stores!).  Celebrities I like and admire and follow on Twitter and am on a first name basis level of stalking have been publicly bemoaning your existence. Now, I’m not going to name names (although I am partial to “Olivia” or “Elizabeth” if it’s a girl and “Henry” if it’s a boy), but I just want you to know, that clearly these so-called celebrities have had their Twitter accounts hacked!  Okay, that was me making a joke again, I know! I am full of them! What I mean to say is, clearly these people are just using the internet as their soapbox – I mean, geez get a life, right?

Okay fine, these people don’t like you, and they are entitled to their opinion. I am entitled to disagreeing with their opinion and writing a 500-word letter on my opinion on disagreeing on opinions. (If you’re thinking you have no idea what I just said, never you fear, as I do not either). I just want you to know that in this phase of the relationship, the phase that comes after the honeymoon phase (anyone know what we call this phase? I’d be amenable to calling it the Coconut Water Phase from now on as long as I get residuals), I’ve got your back.  See, I like you Coconut Water, I really do.

Especially Zico. I don’t play favorites but I like you the MOST.

Fond Regards,

Stamos

 Featured Image via ZICO: Pure Coconut Water

Annie Stamell is a writer and social media junkie I mean expert who is regularly looking for places to buy astronaut ice cream (other than science museums). You can learn more about her here and follow her on Twitter and Tumblr.

comments

Please help us maintain positive conversations by refraining from posting spam, advertisements, and links to other websites or blogs. we reserve the right to remove your comment if it does not adhere to these guidelines. thanks! post a comment.

  1. Excelent info my friend!!, keep it comming!

  2. Gotta agree with John but Tiny has no clue! Thanks for posting though.

  3. Oh my goodness! an amazing post dude. Appreciate it Even so I is going to be experiencing issue with ur rss . Do not know why Can not enroll in it. Could there be any individual discovering identical rss problem? Any person who knows kindly respond. Thnkx

  4. Your content certainly isnt boring! Look at how many comments you’re getting.

  5. Interesting blog post. Some tips i would like to add is that laptop memory should be purchased if the computer is unable to cope with everything you do with it. One can deploy two good old ram boards of 1GB each, by way of example, but not certainly one of 1GB and one with 2GB. One should make sure the car maker’s documentation for the PC to be certain what type of ram is needed.

  6. Magnificent website! Plenty of helpful information here. I was looking for this.Thanks for sharing!

  7. Amazing ! very good info. hold it up.Hello there. Fantastic task. I didn’t expect this on a Wednesday early morning. This can be a superb submit. Many thanks!

  8. Stackable boxes really are a must when moving house, irrespective of self-drive van hire or removal company lorry. Sturdy green, recyclable boxes that can be reused repeatedly are the best choice for frequent house moves and for long-term storage – irrespective of where the house move takes place. There is nothing more frustrating than having to reload several times, because the awkward manner in which situations are packed prevent a fully loaded van making one tour and one tour only.

  9. Hey there, May I download your own picture and implement it on my personal web site?

  10. 3uyLip , [url=http://blxivfnnzlks.com/]blxivfnnzlks[/url], [link=http://kdcdqanmwwvk.com/]kdcdqanmwwvk[/link], http://koprovuhktfq.com/

    Anonymous | 6/06/2011 06:06 am
  11. RLxcwP pwuospfvwelf

    Anonymous | 6/06/2011 02:06 am
  12. I like you, Stamos. You’re my kind of people. Have you tried Antonio Martin’s CoCo juice/water? It’s the nicest brand I’ve had yet, although the Naked Brand is just as delicious!

  13. I think I could live off of Coconut Water and Horchata. Those drinks are the sweat of the Gods!

  14. i fully support coconut water and your open letter. however, you failed to address the real problem: the love / hate relationship you develop with your toilet. minus the love. the best is the mexican kind with the parrots on it. you can’t drink the little pieces, and the 85 grams of sugar make the skinny me cringe but whatever it tastes like half a pina colada and i am NOT COMPLAINING

  15. but i’m just scared to try it because what if i spend my money (like i did on that fiji water years ago) and i buy the wrong brand?

  16. why don’t we recommend Vita CoCo? I love Zico, don’t get me wrong- but why are we avoiding Vita CoCo? It’s not like it has additional sugar added (like the flavored zico— shame shame)

  17. I’ve never tried coconut water, but it sure sounds delicious.

  18. If you love coconut water, then you need to jump on board the coconut oil wagon! It’s great in smoothies, for cooking in place of butter (it’s very gentle on the stomach for the dairy sensitive) and as someone mentioned above it is sooo decadent when spread on a piece of toast! Now it does have a good amount of saturated fat, but studies have shown that it is actually heart healthy fat! I don’t know the science behind it, but a simple google search will give you plenty of data!

  19. It’s good for treating yeast infections (water from the young coconut), better than gatorade and tastes great with scotch!

  20. for crying out loud, drink it like a man! straight from the coconut!