An Open Letter to Coconut Water

Dear Coconut Water,

 I like you.

I do! I like you a whole lot. Now, do I like you enough to write you an open letter to be published on a website that anyone, anyone at all, can read? SPOILER ALERT: I didn’t think so but now it looks like I am, so apparently I do!

Why do I like you? Well, you are healthy and delicious! You taste like a refreshing afternoon of sailing in the Bahamas. I have never been sailing in the Bahamas but I imagine it tastes just like Coconut Water!

I have upsetting news to share with you, my dear friend (I can call you friend, right? I feel like we’re connected on a personal level now, thanks to my love of coconuts and your being descended from a coconut and me drinking you and what not), as I have started to notice a hot up-and-coming trend. Unlike the trend of coconut water, this up-and-coming trend does not make me happy. Oh no. This trend really grinds my gears.

What is this trend I’ve noticed? I am so glad you asked! You see, delicious and nutritional Coconut Water, it would appear that the newest trend is hating on you. It’s true. People don’t like you, and they are getting all up in arms about it. I’m seeing these arms up on The Twitter and the Interwebs and occasionally at the local supermarket like that time I saw a toddler throwing juice boxes of Vita Coco at his mother (in his defense, I will concede that of all the coconut water options, Vita Coco is NOT the way to go).

You, Coconut Water, are getting a lot of flack. And not just from toddlers in grocery stores (related: people of America, stop bringing toddlers to grocery stores!).  Celebrities I like and admire and follow on Twitter and am on a first name basis level of stalking have been publicly bemoaning your existence. Now, I’m not going to name names (although I am partial to “Olivia” or “Elizabeth” if it’s a girl and “Henry” if it’s a boy), but I just want you to know, that clearly these so-called celebrities have had their Twitter accounts hacked!  Okay, that was me making a joke again, I know! I am full of them! What I mean to say is, clearly these people are just using the internet as their soapbox – I mean, geez get a life, right?

Okay fine, these people don’t like you, and they are entitled to their opinion. I am entitled to disagreeing with their opinion and writing a 500-word letter on my opinion on disagreeing on opinions. (If you’re thinking you have no idea what I just said, never you fear, as I do not either). I just want you to know that in this phase of the relationship, the phase that comes after the honeymoon phase (anyone know what we call this phase? I’d be amenable to calling it the Coconut Water Phase from now on as long as I get residuals), I’ve got your back.  See, I like you Coconut Water, I really do.

Especially Zico. I don’t play favorites but I like you the MOST.

Fond Regards,


 Featured Image via ZICO: Pure Coconut Water

Annie Stamell is a writer and social media junkie I mean expert who is regularly looking for places to buy astronaut ice cream (other than science museums). You can learn more about her here and follow her on Twitter and Tumblr.

  • Mario Carneiro Neto

    Try the Naked brand one. It’s the one closest to legit great coconut water. Trust me, I’m Brazilian. Zico tastes like chemicals to me. The Naked brand one tastes closest to the inimitable taste of coconut fresh from a real coconut on the beach back home.

    • Annie Stamell

      Oooo thanks for the suggestion – is that the one that has some pulp in it?

    • Mario Carneiro Neto

      “Pulp” should never be present in coconut water, not even when you drink it from a coconut. I don’t know, as a life-long coconut water drinker in Brazil, the only one I found satisfactory in the states was the Naked brand one. It must be where they source their coconuts water from compared to all the others. And stay away from the flavored stuff. It’s just more chemicals inside something that tastes perfect as it is.

    • Anonymous

      This has made my day. I wish all potsnigs were this good.

  • Anonymous

    I’m a HUGE coconut water fan! In fact, I had my new coconut toast concoction with a glass of coconut water for breakfast. We must stay strong and drink on :)

    • Annie Stamell

      Oh my goodness what is this coconut toast concoction??? I am very intrigued!

    • Anonymous

      AFAICT you’ve covered all the bases with this awsner!

  • Meredith Bagdazian

    So, coconut water’s okay…But I’d rather be eating coconut/pecan/shortbread cookies!

  • Pamela Farias

    I’ve been living in Playa del Carmen for 6 months now and going to Bikram Yoga every morning is now part of my daily routine (The studio is 2 blocks away from the beach…!!). After class we always head down to a little fruit store nearby where we can get a 16 oz. bottle of fresh coconut water for less than a dollar… it’s HEAVEN!

    • Annie Stamell

      That sounds like heaven! I love drinking it after working out, fo sho!

    • Anonymous

      Great thinking! That raelly breaks the mold!

  • Ted Capiendo

    for crying out loud, drink it like a man! straight from the coconut!

    • Anonymous

      Kudos! What a neat way of tihknnig about it.

  • Kaye Bullock

    It’s good for treating yeast infections (water from the young coconut), better than gatorade and tastes great with scotch!

    • Anonymous

      Good to see a talnet at work. I can’t match that.

  • Rachel Chernickator

    If you love coconut water, then you need to jump on board the coconut oil wagon! It’s great in smoothies, for cooking in place of butter (it’s very gentle on the stomach for the dairy sensitive) and as someone mentioned above it is sooo decadent when spread on a piece of toast! Now it does have a good amount of saturated fat, but studies have shown that it is actually heart healthy fat! I don’t know the science behind it, but a simple google search will give you plenty of data!

  • Samantha Costanilla

    I’ve never tried coconut water, but it sure sounds delicious.

  • Melissa Jade Murphy

    why don’t we recommend Vita CoCo? I love Zico, don’t get me wrong- but why are we avoiding Vita CoCo? It’s not like it has additional sugar added (like the flavored zico— shame shame)

  • Sarah Jane

    but i’m just scared to try it because what if i spend my money (like i did on that fiji water years ago) and i buy the wrong brand?

  • Emmie Siegs

    i fully support coconut water and your open letter. however, you failed to address the real problem: the love / hate relationship you develop with your toilet. minus the love. the best is the mexican kind with the parrots on it. you can’t drink the little pieces, and the 85 grams of sugar make the skinny me cringe but whatever it tastes like half a pina colada and i am NOT COMPLAINING

  • Gabriela Guzman

    I think I could live off of Coconut Water and Horchata. Those drinks are the sweat of the Gods!

  • Samantha Rogers

    I like you, Stamos. You’re my kind of people. Have you tried Antonio Martin’s CoCo juice/water? It’s the nicest brand I’ve had yet, although the Naked Brand is just as delicious!

    • Annie Stamell

      Hey I like people who like people! And this fancy CoCo juice is NEWS TO ME aka I will go buy some immediately.

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