An Important Note About Placing Blame and Adapting to Change

I use an iPhone now and the whole thing is my dog’s fault.

Saturday night I was enjoying a glass of wine with a friend and I threw my chihuahua’s rubber ball against the wall (per his request!) and it bounced back and hit my glass of wine and the wine spilled everywhere. It got in my cigarettes (shhh, never start smoking), it spilled all over my friend’s phone and most importantly, it spilled all over my Blackberry. All up in it. I say that my phone is the most important because I’m really self-involved and like to think that I have a completely unique relationship with all electronic devices.

I bought a bag of rice to let my phone sit in overnight (that old “stick your wet electronics in a bag of uncooked rice” thing really does work because I’ve done it with two iPods), but I’d had one too many glasses of wine and I forgot to actually put the phone in the rice. I slept next to a bag of rice on Saturday, you guys.

When I woke up Sunday morning, I knew I had to replace my phone because between all of the emails I get for HelloGiggles and other work, I also just feel the constant need to like, I dunno, let boys freak me on the text, ask my girls what they’re thinkin’ about, tell Twitter I found a new song I like, etc. Thing is though, while I’m loyal to a Blackberry like Ice is loyal to CoCo, they are not loyal to me. Maybe every six months or so they’d quit on me or get buggy and shut off randomly or one of the keys would stop working. I go hard on my phone, for sure, but shouldn’t that be a given?

I hit up my brothers at Verizon because I’ve been a customer for seven years (again, please note that I am ride-or-die) and I spoke with them about my options. I was thinking about getting a Droid because my roommate has one and I’m kind of alternative and an iPhone just seems so obvious. In addition to rejecting conformity, I also need to use my phone for biz-nass. I need to look at my phone and have black and white texts and a mad functional keyboard and I don’t need bells and whistles and a circus up in my face every time I need to tell someone off or make a yoga date or whatever the hell it is that I do. I like typing on real keys and I don’t like minding my nail length so that I can accommodate my phone, so the Droid seemed like the best option next to the Blackberry.

My Verizon dudes, though, they strongly advised against that decision. They were like, “Honestly? The Droids come back into the store all the time. We rarely see an iPhone return.”

That’s really all I needed to hear. As much as I love my Verizon homies, I don’t need to see them more than once every two years. Maybe every six months if I decide I want to go in and poke the electronics I don’t intend to purchase, but I never want to make an emergency return. I can’t mentally, financially or physically afford to be put in that position. It stresses me out to have to go in there and yell at people until things get taken care of and I don’t like swiping my debit card in those debit card things unless I get clothing or alcohol out of it and my bones get tired real easily. I just got the iPhone.

I’ve had it for 24 hours now and typing’s gotten a little bit easier and I’ve been enjoying Words with Friends (I feel so intelligent and as though I have a much broader vocabulary than I choose to utilize), but it’s a real switch. A real change, indeed. I keep forgetting to hit that home screen button and finding myself in a real nervous place and I can already tell you that those who I communicate with via text and email who do not know me in a pre-iPhone world will perhaps wonder if I am uneducated and unaware of proper grammar and spelling, but it’s okay. I’ll get used to it. And I won’t mail my dog to Canada like I’ve been telling him I will, but don’t tell him that. He’s still grounded.