Just as gladiator sandals and high-wasted denim shorts come and go (hopefully sooner rather than later), so too do fashionable animal trends. We all know the Portlandia joke, but real talk: Portland is only catching flack because they’re still putting birds on everything. You know you bought a side bag with a bird on it a few years ago, and so did I. It’s okay, EVERYONE DID! It’s probably sitting in your closet next to your squirrel button, that sweet collage of deer peeking out from behind geometric shapes and those adorable kitten ballet flats and sweaters. The only times I can think of that didn’t have an animal trend was that one year when everyone lost their minds over cupcakes and that other year completely dedicated to skulls & crossbones.
You may think that you suddenly love owls and wolves because you relate to their quiet, understated fierceness, but I’m willing to bet that the masterminds at the Urban Outfitters thinktank have a little something to do with it. I can only assume that long production lead times mean that right now, somewhere, there is a boardroom wall covered in images of random animals unknowingly auditioning to be America’s Next Top Animal Graphic Trend. Well, board members, I’d like to have some input in what animal earmuffs I’ll be stealing from my teenage sister this winter! I’ve narrowed my votes down to the final four. You guys can feel free to place your vote. They’re all adorable, but only one animal has what it takes to be ANTAGT:
Unlike their adult counterparts, baby porcupines look totally harmless. I love any creature that will lure you in with its adorably soft, cartoon-y sweet face, then stab hundreds of sharp needles into your skin when you try to touch it. I mean, this is pretty much how I imagined myself to be between the ages of 11 and 18, so I can totally relate. Plus, they LOVE salt, so…
If Lady GaGa were to design a baby deer, I’m pretty sure it would look like this. Extra dainty legs, ant-eater nose, teacup stature. My favorite thing about dik diks is that they almost never fight. But when they must, dik diks just run towards each other only to stop short and aggressively shake their heads until somebody gives up. Is this not the animal kingdom’s two snaps up?? Diva!
Long Eared Jerboa
Jerboas are pretty much mice, which means they are pretty much rats, which means they are totally disgusting. But, every “next top X” countdown needs someone to hate. Look at how ridiculously ginormous those ears are! Are we really supposed to believe those are real? Come on. And those super skinny legs?! The jerboa totally needs to eat a Snickers already, and stop talking trash about the other animals. I am seriously so eff’ng sick of her.
Hands down, this is my #1 vote. I mean, if ever a creature smiled with it’s ears, it’s the Fennec Fox. How cute is this little stinker?!? Apparently people keep these as pets legally in the United States. I don’t know how PETA feels about that so I’m not googling breeders or anything, but I will so rock next season’s fennec sweater!