Misogynist Soup

American Appalling, One Nation Under Rick Perry, and the Hollywood Gentlemen's Club

To make this week’s Misogynist Soup, you’re going to need the following ingredients:

  • American Apparel: More of us can finally shop there, but we’d all really rather not.
  • Rick Perry: Sociopath or 4chan troll?
  • Hollywood: A man’s best friend.

THE BROTH


Keyword: BIG!
Image via American Apparel.

American Apparel, seemingly determined to keep a firm grasp on their current spot as “Creepiest Retailer of the Decade”, has pulled a 180 on their previous position of anything larger than a “large” falling outside of their target demographic.

In a truly fashion-forward move, they’ve opted to finally clothe the bodies of average-sized American women by introducing size XL (around the equivalent of a size 12) to their stores for their “booty-ful” customers with “full-size fannies” (their words; my vomit).

This marketing strategy makes sense, as women who wear an XL not only need special attention drawn to their size, but also punny descriptions for it while they choose between the 23 options that American Apparel has so graciously offered them.

Is this decision a result of their realization that girls of a wider variety of sizes are worthy of their over-priced basic aesthetic or is it a last-ditch effort to save the company from bankruptcy? It’s anyone’s guess!

But first, they’re going to need a model. And what better way is there to make women feel booty-ful and happy with themselves and their bodies than to have hopeful models submit their photographs to the website for the public to “score”? If seeing 1.86 (out of a possible 5 on a scale of “Not Quite” to “XLent”) attached to your photograph doesn’t make you stoked about American Apparel’s overdue size addition, what will?

Source: American Apparel

THE MEAT


“Rick Perry is a man we can all get behind.” — Rick Perry.
Image via Benzinga.

Governor of Texas and wannabe president Rick Perry, who’s actually inexplicably mad popular to boot, signed the Susan B. Anthony anti-abortion pledge last week.

The apocalypse is nigh: His signature translates to a promise to nominate strict constructionist judges, appoint only pro-life Cabinet and Executive Branch members, attempt to keep defunding Planned Parenthood, and to sign a Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act.

The Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection act, which is currently signed into law in Nebraska, Idaho, Kansas, Oklahoma, and Alabama, limits abortions after 22 weeks. None of this should have any consequence, however, as Rick Perry knows that abortions aren’t necessary as long as you have abstinence education.

When asked why Texas is continuing with abstinence education when they have the third highest teen pregnancy rate in the nation, Perry got all robotic on us and replied, “Abstinence works.” If that isn’t enough proof, he was also able to cite statistics on the subject to back up his stance: “From my own personal life, abstinence works.” Just so we’re clear, by this logic, pyramid schemes “work”.

I’m glad that Rick Perry is the model that Rick Perry will be officially referencing should the population lose their minds and elect him into office.

Sources: Think Progress, YouTube

THE TOPPING


Image via TV by the Numbers.

Like most individuals with the job title of “Chief Executive”, Chief Executive of Alloy Entertainment Leslie Morgenstein is a dude.

He’s also the dude behind television shows geared towards 12- to 34-year-old women, such as Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries and Pretty Little Liars. While these shows are all successful among dozens, why is a man the best fit for the job of deciding what women want to watch?

Meanwhile, one in six writers on prime-time sitcoms, dramas and reality television shows are women. One in four producers, directors, writers, editors and directors are women. 41% of on-screen characters are women. Those are actually all the statistics I have, so I hope the pattern has emerged by this point.

Perhaps the biggest injustice is that Angelina Jolie, the highest paid actress, made $30 million last year while top male earner Leonardo DiCaprio sat pretty on $72 million. It’s like Hollywood doesn’t even recognize that she has kids to feed and take to Bora Bora.

But on the real, when more women tune in than men, why are we still so scarce behind the camera?

Sources: New York Times, Media Bistro, Huffington Post

DIRECTIONS

Combine all ingredients and bring them to a boil, much like my blood pressure is at the moment. You’ll know it’s done when it tastes like misogyny with a hint of “please tell me this isn’t real life”. Enjoy!

Need more Giggles?
Like us on Facebook!