Am I Going To Be Okay? Rivka Rossi

At least 12 times a week, I have to ask my best friend, HelloGiggles contributor and amateur model Erin Foster, if I’m going to be okay. She is very well trained in the art of managing my feelings and is prepared to deliver with assurance and warmth what I need to hear, time and time again. “I’m not worried about you,” she will say, and instantly I will feel a sense of relief (until the next time I have to ask her).

This sort of co-dependency is what I live off. I need to know that everyone else thinks I will be okay and then I will think I’m okay. I might not think it, but it will get me by. Recently, this has started to frustrate me. What if I can’t get Erin on the phone the instant I need this reassurance (she loves going to long yoga classes)? What if one time she doesn’t deliver the message the way I want to hear it?? You know what happens then? I go into a complete spiral and start to believe I won’t be Okay. Now, I realize how petty this sounds and I have enough guilt for all the judgments you could throw at me. I know I’m healthy; I know how grateful I am and should be. But you know what? We have all read enough articles and case studies about our generation’s insecurities and all these emotions of anxiety really feel real to me. I decided that this was the year that I would try to tear myself away from this sort of co-dependency.

Here are some tips from an expert (I’m an expert in myself and all the emotions I proudly possess).

1. As quick as a Twitter trend passes, so will these feelings.
I will immediately tell myself that the feelings I feel now will not be the same in exactly three hours and you know what? They never are. Even if it gets 1% better, it still gets better. Or at least feels differently.

2. Distract, don’t react.
The minute I feel upset, I feel the need to react or worse, send a crazy text I will regret instantly. Instead, I distract myself by listening to music (probs some DRAKE or read one of the many Sweet Valley High books I have on hand for emotional safety).

3. Get over yourself and take care of someone else. 
Sometimes I feel like I need to get away from thinking about me. Listen, I do love trying to figure out every single thing about myself and how I can improve or tear myself down. But sometimes it’s time to take a break from worrying about me and do what I do best and worry about others. This is the part where I call my mom and decide to really engage in a conversation about my 12-year-old brother’s social life.

4. Do something good.
I don’t mean thinking about doing well. I mean doing some GOOD. Go volunteer your actual time and thoughts to helping others. If you can’t find a local food bank, hospital or charity to get involved in (which is CRAZY to say because they are everywhere, you don’t need a link for me to tell you). Then even think of calling one of your friends with kids and offer to babysit so they can leave their compound and feel human.

5. Be okay with not being okay.
Whenever I feel a wave of sadness coming on, I will almost insistently think that I have the power to stop it or cure it and if I don’t, I get super hard on myself. And it just all spirals from there. NEW APPROACH, GUYS: I’m totally okay with feeling not okay with things. Maybe we can’t feel okay all the time and maybe we can. WHO KNOWS? I’M NOT AN EXPERT! But I know that me berating myself to feel one way or the other never helped anyone, so I’m practicing being comfortable being comfortably sad.

But also, please let me know if you think I’m going to be okay. I’m not even sure what “being okay” means or feels like. But I need you let me know I will be that.

Thanks!

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  1. it’s no so bad to feel right o wrong with ur self, maybe is about not really feeling regrets that can cut your normal life , i think that the best thing u can do is to give the best of u in every detail of your life… and also think twice about your next challenge, is it really going to make u a better person or not…. i hope i could help u out …. bye

  2. If you ever meet a bear in the forrest, or something else that you find scary in some way somewhere else, your first impulse is to decide what to do – wether you know what you are doing or not. If you fail to relaxe and recover afterwards you might find yourself troubbled.
    A lot of people plan for different contingeancys. In case “something” (what ever that is) happens. Now, unless you are born with a crystal ball inside your head you will never know what that is. Wich means, if you are one of these people, that you will have your anxiety planned into “possible scenarios”.
    As every second and every place has a million possibilitys and a million possible directions a situation might develoup, very much like hoarding a bunch of stuff “just in case”, and you will find little room for anything else.
    I have a lot of experiance with hoarding possiblitys. Now I´m thinking; Shit happens. So what. I might aswell plan for the best and for what I would like in my life.
    I hope that you will be okay. Any chance of something bad happening to you is a lot smaller than anything you could plan for. Anything you plan for will probably not happen.

  3. You are so okay!
    I recently googled “am I going to be ok” and came across an awesome website with all these people doing thumbs up and the like. So just ask the google if your friend isn’t available ;)

  4. This is one of the reasons I really love this blog. It’s only recently that I’ve realized that its ok to be where I am in life. A hard pill to swallow because I have always been such a go-getter, but perhaps I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and go with the flow.

  5. You are going to be okay. :) And you are helping me be okay, and I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for that. I love you

  6. It’s ok not to be ok (:

  7. You’ll be okay :)

  8. Thank you for this. I suffer similarly, mostly the beating myself up for NOT being okay.

    But…sometimes I need to not be okay. Sometimes, I need to lock myself in my room, with incense burning & quiet music playing so that I can just…be. Because, maybe I cannot handle being with other people in that moment & that is okay.

  9. You will be okay! :)

  10. I can not express how much this is identical to my head-state
    ( is that a word?) right now. Again, HelloGiggles proves to me that Im not alone in this world and that twin-brains know no boundaries. Thank you from the saddest and now, not so lonely, part of my heart-brain. (Again, might not be a word, but in these meshing-of-words times, I think we´ll live.)

  11. well first off, you ARE going to be ok! :)

    secondly, I’m currently going through a hard time myself and i do occasionally experience really low moments in my life. But the points you mentioned are great and they’re things I try to do myself to get me through whatever is going on.
    But most importantly its great to always have someone who cares for you and is ready to simply say ‘everything is going to be ok’. i thank my mother,sister, fiance and best friend for that.

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