This post is exactly what it sounds like: pictures of really fugly vests. As much as I celebrate the truly great items one can find in thrift stores, one also needs to celebrate the unintentionally awesomely ugly.
I went thrifting with some friends to find proper attire for a party, the theme to which was…well, vests. Yes, a vest party. My friend Jason dubbed it “Vestivus”.
We hit up a Goodwill, a Valu Village and a Savers — Savers was the motherload. I don’t know why, exactly, but while the other places were a bit of a wash, Savers really delivered.
It was odd to be a thrift store tourist; someone not there to shop seriously but just to exclaim. I think it might have freaked out a thrift store newbie I was shopping with (“Each place…has its own odor!” she exclaimed), as I’m pretty sure she remained unconvinced that there was great stuff to be found. Plus, she had the newbie’s soft-heartedness towards ugly items (“Somebody made this! And thought it was nice!” — such sympathy diminishes over time). Nevertheless, I think we had a fun thrifting expedition.
In a tragic turn of events, I was unable to attend the vest party (stupid writing deadline!), but I remain convinced that I would have won he “best vest” award.
Look at this? How could this not have won ALL OF THE AWARDS??
[Note: I apologize for the slightly washed-out quality of some of the following pictures. I forgot to turn my flash off].
In fact, I also contemplated wearing this gem as well:
All me to emphasize that this vest occurs in THREE DIMENSIONS!
However, I ultimately selected TWO vests for my friend Jason to wear, one atop the other, and he ended up winning the contest, which I suppose is almost as good as me winning, since I can take full credit:
There are few Themes of Awful that we found. One is animal design. There’s the expected cartoon character vests:
And…the just regular ol’ animals. Like dogs!
(Even our dog-lover friend refused to wear this, even ironically). Also, pigs!:
There’s also the sub-category of Vests That Resemble Blankets:
And Southwestern homage:
Then there’s the magically, hideously unflattering vest. You know that item of clothing that possesses an unearthly ability to make anyone’s figure look terrible?
Then there’s the actually-maybe-this-is-kind-of-flattering vest:
But we began to wonder if maybe we’d look at too many vests by this point and were losing our ability to judge. You know, like when you smell too many perfumes and lose the ability to tell different scents apart?
For instance, we started questioning ourselves: is this a terrifyingly ugly genii-costume vest, or is it actually weirdly cute?
WHAT ABOUT THIS?
Yeah, maybe not so much with that last one. At a certain point, you just have to step away from the thrift store’s crazy vest section and leave with at least a little bit of your dignity intact.
I did non-ironically buy this number and intend to wear it. I’m pretty sure that this is what people in the ’90s thought people in the future were going to dress like:
Anyone else got any truly awesome ugly thrift store finds?