A.sk Ross About Trust Issues, Being A Virgin & Staying Centered. Marissa A. Ross

A.sk Ross is where I, Marissa A. Ross, answer questions you ask me. Keep in mind I am simply a girl who’s been through a lot & has acquired some wisdom along the way. I own no certificates proclaiming my word is law, so please don’t take it as so. If anything, take my advice with a grain of salt and a pinch of optimism. Have a question? Email me at A.skRossNow@gmail.com.

Dear Marissa,

I am in a serious relationship with a man that I love very much. In a month, he’s moving back to his home (5 hours away) for school. We’re going to do the long distance relationship thing but the problem is, some horrible ex-girlfriends of his ruined trusting abilities. All four of those girls cheated on him. How can I reassure him that things are going to be okay when every time I say something along the lines of, “I love you, I couldn’t ever think about cheating on you, I’m not that kind of person, etc”, he responds with something like “I know, you don’t have to say that, I’ve heard that before.” I’ve never had trust issues like this in a relationship (I’ve never even dated a guy that’s been cheated on, I find four times to be absolutely disgusting), but I’ve also never been in love like I am now, I know that we can work this out, but I need some advice on how to ride this out in the meantime and some ways to reassure him that I’m 100% committed.

A.A.

Unfortunately as much as I’d like to talk you through it, this isn’t your problem to fix. This is his. Sure, you can tell him from now until eternity that you love him and will be faithful, but none of it will matter if he doesn’t address his issues. I would suggest having a serious conversation about it. Communicate to him that you love him, that you are earnestly committed to the relationship and doing whatever it takes to make it work but by the same token, he has to want to make it work too. You’re not his ex-girlfriends and it is unfair for him to judge you based upon the actions of others. The only actions that you are responsible for are your own. Have you been a good girlfriend? It sounds like you probably have and that is what he should be thinking about, not what a bunch of selfish brats from back in the day did. Of course, easier said than done. Urge him to talk through this with you and to express his concerns, feelings and fears. Be supportive and loving, but really, that is all you can do. This is on him, and if he doesn’t work out these issues, your relationship won’t work. Good luck, and not to be a doomsdayist but if he can’t heal himself, get the hell out of there.

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Hi Marissa,

I’m a 20 year old virgin and it really bothers me. It hasn’t been done by choice, more of circumstance. I had a not-so-serious boyfriend in high school, but since then it’s just been flings. I’m worried I’m going to turn into the 40-year old virgin and I’m not looking forward to that future. How can I alleviate my worry over it?

Thanks,
E

Please, don’t worry about it. You’re so young. I know you think twenty is old right now, but it’s so young. You’re not going to be a forty year old virgin. Just think of how far you’ve come since you left your mother’s womb twenty years ago. You don’t think in the next twenty years you won’t have the experiences you want to have? Twenty years ago you were crapping in a diaper and look at yourself now. I’ll throw down a 99% guarantee this situation will resolve itself within the next twenty years.

Your time will come, and I’m not trying to say that in a creepy, cryptic Disney way. It’s just the “when” really doesn’t matter. Everyone’s “when” is relative and at the end of the day, the who-what-where-why’s are what stick.

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Dear Ross,

You seem very collected and optimistic, so how do you stay centered in your every day life? Is it in your shampoo?

Sincerely,
Zen Seeker

Maybe. It is sulfate-free.

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  1. Being a virgin shouldn’t bother you! I’m 18, and I’m such a virgin that I have yet to even find anyone I want to kiss. It’s nothing to be ashamed of! Don’t worry about it – life will present itself in good time. :)

  2. Waiting to be with a person you care about is all that matters. Being a virgin does not make you prude or uncool. Be picky, be careful, just enjoy your time with any person you date or hang out with and don’t worry about sex. :-)

  3. Tina Fey says she lost her virginity in her late 20′s. Now look at her. The highest paid female actress on television.

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