Oh, hey guys. It’s me again. You know, the girl who met that one boyfriend on Craigslist and lived to tell about it. While I was procrastinating perusing the Internet this morning for the latest cat videos news, I came across this article published in the Sunday Times this past weekend, and it really upset me. In short, teachers in southwest London schools are trying to prevent their students from having a “best friend” because the teachers feel that they need to protect their students from the pain of losing such a close relationship over time. Now, before you think, “Um…didn’t this chick meet a dude via a bulletin board of want ads posted by potential murderers and proceed to have a brief romantic relationship with him?” I know you might not trust my judgment yet, but hear me out.
Teachers are encouraging students to play in large groups rather than develop tight-knit bonds with one another. With all of the focus and attention on mean-girls-type-cliques and bullying recently, I do understand their intentions. But not everyone is going to get along with everyone, that’s just life.
So, let’s take a few steps back. I was always under the impression that teachers are in the classroom to teach. To teach math skills, English skills, science skills and LIFE SKILLS. Teachers should not shield children from reality, no matter how harsh it may be. Children need to be taught how to have respectful relationships with those they don’t get along with, not told that they “have to be friends with everyone”.
Losing a best friend doesn’t have to be a painful, devastating, knockdown, drag-out-fight of an experience. I think these teachers are failing to realize that. Of course, that does happen, but it’s all about how you deal with it. If a child can’t learn to properly handle and cope with the disagreements and conflicts that may be involved when a friendship falls out, then what’s going to happen when they’re older? I’m fearful of the message these teachers are sending. How horrible is a world where you never experience the loss of your best friend because you never let them get close to you? What will that mean for romantic relationships? Are we trying to raise a generation of robots, asking them to stand ten feet away from anyone they might possibly want to get to know, all in hopes they won’t feel any semblance of emotions, high or low?
Having a best friend is a GREAT thing. Having a friend you could trust with all your Beanie Babies and share your deepest secrets with meant EVERYTHING to me growing up. It was so nice to have another girl around who totally understood me on every level. Besides, you can only teach your little brother so many choreographed Spice Girls dance routines before he wants to go outside and play baseball. Throughout my life, I’ve had several best friends, some of them I grew distant from naturally, and some were taken from me too soon.
Kristin and I were inseparable until kindergarten, and then we went to different schools. We still stayed close, through Girl Scouts and sports, but it was never the same. Because that’s part of GROWING UP.
You grow up, and sometimes you grow apart. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that I replaced her with other friends or anything like that. All of my friends have had a different impact on my life and each contributed to who I am today.
Nikki was my best friend all throughout high school. We first met at the Dairy Queen across the street from my house; she worked there, and I REALLY like Butterfinger Blizzards (MINNESOTA, y’all). We took driver’s ed together, we went to Blink-182 concerts together, we stayed out way past our curfews at all-night diners together, and we had fun. We became one entity. We planned for the future together. Unfortunately, Nikki died in a car accident our senior year of high school and I was devastated. There would be no summertime road trips and no shopping for dorm room essentials. After she passed, I was really, really lonely. I literally had no one else I shared a bond like that with. I’m not going to lie, I was sad for a really, really long time. With the help of counselors, and – gasp – teachers, I learned positive, constructive ways to cope with the loss of my best friend. Nikki taught me so much about love and life, lessons that I recall to this day; I cannot even imagine how drastically different my life would be now if a teacher had “banned” us from being best friends.
Without my best friends, I would have never learned the importance of keeping a secret, the consequences when I broke my promise, or the process of arguing, apologizing, and reconciling. I wouldn’t have learned empathy, or how to listen and offer advice. So no matter what they do in southwest London, I think we all need to stay the course, keep a best friend and pass along the importance of having one to everyone we know. Because we all need someone to share a Blizzard with.
Featured image via The Western Clan
I’m a teacher in England and quite a lot of the time we have to bring in aspects that are supposed to develop the teaching and the learning…we do not necessarily agree with…thats the government for you. As a person that has had many best friends over her life i fully agree with those of you who are saying that having-and losing-friendships actually builds your personality…i don’t see any of the friends that i had at school any more, but that has just helped me become a more outgoing person and one who isn’t afraid to make new friends!
This makes me so sad. I don’t know why they are babying kids so much these days. I went to work at an after school program last year (hated it) and was shocked at how much things have changed…the kids couldn’t play on the playground equipment because they might get hurt, we had to be careful that they didn’t play tag because if they got hurt it would be our fault, there were little to no consequences for anything… so that the kids ended up not taking acting up seriously. Now we are shielding them from forming bonds with other children…like someone posted above what is this going to do to them…or to their future relationships. Not being allowed to have a real true human connection is horrible. We need that. Pain is part of life…growing up, making friends, losing friends. I agree that having a best friend is an important part of life. I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend, she sounded like an absolutely amazing person.
Reading about your loss broke my heart, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I completely agree that best friends are absolutely vital- my best friend and I met when we were 16, and we’re now 28 and closer than ever. Although some friendships fade over time, ours has evolved with us- we went from sleepovers and clubbing to me becoming godmother to her two sons. Even when she went away to university we maintained our friendship, and over the years we’ve become family to one another. It saddens me to think that some children are being actively discouraged from experiencing the same incredible bond that my best friend and I share.
Best friends are my second (well, and FIRST so many times) family. Couldn’t live without them!!!
I used to think I needed a best friend for my social life to be non-dysfunctional. I used to have a best friend when I was a little girl, but with adolescence, I’ve found that I don’t need a single best friend, but I’m happy with a few small circles of close friends, none of whom I would say is my best friend.
My best friend is my left hand
My best friend is a man I met at an anime convention completely out of the blue (indeed, he had blue hair at the time!) and despite the fact that we live in separate cities, we’ve become inseparable, so to speak. We’ve texted back and forth almost every day since we met, and we try to see each other in person several times a year, for things like vacations and get togethers. To think that if I had been trained not to confide in people, that I would never have this close relationship with this wonderful (if sometimes grating, as best friends are wont to be
) man, is just unfathomable.
I am a teacher and I care COMPLETELY! Kids need to have someone they know they can trust. Someone who they can vent to and share their darkest secrets. I lost a lot of best friends through out the years. Some drifted away some were torn directly from my life but I regret none of it. They all matter because they helped change me into a better person.
My best friend in high school hit on my, then, girlfriend while I was home sick one evening. It was at this time that I learned that trust and loyalty can be misplaced. That was a valuable lesson. Today I reserve the term “Best Friend” for my one and only real friend, my wife. The rest ebb and flow with the tide of life and what I have to offer them.
I know what you mean, though for some people, having a best friend sometimes means closing youself to meeting other people who could also be real great, which happened to me. Saddly, I lost my best friend (which I considered my sister & better half) due to normal fall out circumstances, it is still really sad, but now I have all these other incredible friendships I’ve made since she isn’t around anymore… anyway, I’m sure thanks to her and all of our years being inseparable help me get where I am today and I hope I helped her as well :’)
Nice article!
I can’t imagine losing my best friend to a car accident, especially in high school. I almost cried when I read that.
I couldn’t agree more, I have 3 best friends from childhood and another we met at 16 and joined our group. Lately one of my 3 older friends has started to drift away and its sad but it’s life. Children need to learn this by going through it, we all did and it didn’t harm us. Yes it hurts and can be sad when you drift away at any age but the memories you make along the way last a lifetime!
I have known my best friend for 18 years. And I feel totally old saying that. And while she doesn’t consider me her best friend, we’re still close. Without her, my late teens would have been ridiculously unbearable.
I’m living with my best friend from elementary school.. I know a lot of times life doesn’t work out this way, but it did in my case!
I think it’s a great thing to have a best friend or perhaps several if you’re lucky enough to find that many. My only issue is the deep, heart shattering loneliness that losing a best friend can have on a person. I don’t mean a loss as devastating as yours with Nikki, I mean losing your friends by choice. Them or you choosing to sever ties for some reason like a bad fight or whichever. That loss is painful and I unfortunately have felt it quite a bit in recent years, causing me to basically be left without girlfriends at all now. My best friends at this point are my mom and my fiancé. While I don’t agree with the method of this school in London, I am fearful of my future children being hurt like I’ve been but I do indeed realize the importance of having those bonds. They do teach us a lot, I only wish I still had them. Great post and I love that your little bio says you now live in Panem as a lumberjack. I got District 2. Lol may the odds be ever in your favor!
Im´grateful my best friend is my sister, because no matter what our bond will never fade. Great article!
I am obsessed with this article! I have been going through a rough patch lately-job/life/unhappiness/finances/etc. And it has become even more apparent how beautiful and special all my best friends are and how much appreciate the diversity of people in my life. They always know to make me feel better and if they can’t, they have really great ears and a wonderful sense of humor. It is so important to be yourself this day and age and best friends are the perfect people to make sure you stay true to yourself.
P.S. I visit this site everyday and YOUR articles are my favorite. You’re making an impact on your readers, pat yourself on the back!
I completely agree! I don’t understand the new trend of trying to sheild children from life! Another example is the sports teams where they don’t keep score. I’m sorry but in life you are going to lose sometimes and it is better to learn how to deal with these losses when you are young so that when you have a big emotional lose, like a death you have some idea of how to handel it and that you can get through it. Also I agree that this sends the message that these children would not be able to bear the lose of a close relationship so do not let people close. I fear for these future children.
Having a best friend teaches you a lot about life I think. Everyone needs to feel they have that one person who will always have their back. I’ve had many friends who were close but grew apart over time. But my best friend and I have been best friends since first grade. And the crazy part is, the first two years of our friendship was the only time we ever lived within 100 miles of each other. I moved after second grade, and we’ve never been in the same city since, but somehow we’ve kept this friendship we have. And sometimes, it’s the best thing in either of our lives. It’s how you get through the hard times and celebrate the good times. It would be a true shame to take that away from kids.
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