So, this week? I came to the conclusion that I absolutely hate everything I own (including *most* of the maternity clothes that I purchased months ago) and I went on yet another maternity clothing shopping spree. I checked all of the basic stores where I could get a lot for a little (Old Navy, Gap, etc.) and was positively astonished – and rather horrified, actually – to see some of my offerings. I mean, velour maternity pants? I really want to sausage pack gently swaddle my growing ass in velour? What kind of heartless bastards are these folks? The very last thing I want is a pair of faux-velvet-looking pants painted on, which verily accentuate every dent, groove, fold and wrinkle (and that’s just when I’m standing, friends). And because I’m not one of those lucky women who only put on five pounds when they’re pregnant, these monstrosities only spit in my puffy face.
Also. Does no one manufacture maternity tights? I mean, the colder weather is upon us, and all I have is one larger-sized pair of tights that fit right now. Kind of. This past Sunday, I was at church (I sing for our congregation’s praise band, if you can believe it) and we were sound-checking as the people entered the sanctuary. And let me say, when we get a crowd, we get a crowd. Like, 300+ people. It’s big time. Well, unbeknowst to me, my mic was hot, and it caught me complaining to our guitarist that every time I bent over, my pantyhose rolled over my growing belly and caught around my hips (ha! What hips?!) like a slingshot. If you’re wondering if the entire congregation heard me, the short, Hello-Giggles-PG-appropriate answer is “yes.”
Incidentally, in case you’re wondering, the accompanying photo is not my velour-clad ass. Don’t get me wrong – it’s a perfectly lovely ass. It’s just not mine.
Asos.com has a pretty rad maternity section (relatively), complete with maternity tights.
Look what I stumbled upon!
http://www.target.com/p/Fertile-Mind-Maternity-Tights-Black/-/A-11218255
YES!
While pregnant I shopped in plus size b/c ur right… all maternity gear is either non existant in public or not even cute for our already dwindling self esteem. I got great Spanx and tights in plus size.
Spanx made rocking maternity panty hose that I wore a lot. Tights just were too hot. Have you checked American Apparel? I know they have some maternity, as does the ever popular Motherhood. There’s a totally random brand at Target called Fertile Minds and they make tights but I’ve only seen them in the store ONCE. I ended up having to order them online, but they are pretty reasonable and resilient to the awkwardness of having to squeeze a preggo ego into a lyrca and elastic conundrum.
THANK YOU! I also love the term “preggo ego.”