Have any of you guys ever bought maternity clothes? You know, either for yourselves or for others? Because if you have, you totally feel my pain. Jaysus. I spent hours this week – veritable hours – in search of maternity clothes that I wouldn’t have to take a loan out for and that weren’t, well, cheap – or ugly-looking. I’m not going to be vain about this whole pregnancy thing because when I’m sitting there on my ass in the delivery room, grunting and groaning and making up all sorts of unladylike phrases and excreting all sorts of I-don’t-even-want-to-think-about-it, vanity is clearly out the window and I’m not gonna even pretend otherwise. But if I’m going to walk around all swole-like for the next six months, I want to do it in style, you hear?
So anyway, I’m a big fan of online shopping. I know a lot of people malign the whole online experience but I’ve had so much practice that I can tell you precisely what size I am in a large variety of online stores and in a plethora of cuts, colors and styles. I don’t worry about stuff not fitting; plus, there’s always this thing called “returns” and you don’t even need to leave your house to do it. It’s a blessing, really, especially for someone who works from home seven days a week and has limited time to go out, gallivanting through the malls and outlets for clothes that I’m probably going to hate anyway due to a lack of selection and overexposure to frenetic, pushy people. However, in the past few days I’ve spent:
-$401.05 at the Gap
-$95.96 at Motherhood
-$188.62 at Pea in a Pod
And I am thoroughly, thoroughly disgusted by the collective price of these items. Seriously. Granted, they’re all really nice, but they’re not worth the grand total of $685.63 (which is also the total of two – count them, two – round-trip plane tickets to somewhere really great).
When did pregnancy become such a capitalist pig sanctuary for the consumer-friendly? When did it all stop being about a mother’s comfort and baby’s health and … and cute, affordable fashion?