A Week and a Half of Adulthood
by Becca Sands
I’ve been 24 for a week and a half. Whoever tells you that it’s just like 23 is a dirty liar. It’s not. It’s not the same when death is staring you in the face or when you have to keep your pockets filled with hard candy to give to the children. 24 is hard, scary and stressful, but I do think I’ve been doing pretty well. Pretty well for a senior citizen, at least.
For starters, I went to the deli counter by myself for the first time. I read somewhere that the deli counter is cheaper than buying the pre-packaged meat, so I went for it. I had no idea was I was doing. I observed all my fellow geriatrics closely. Let me briefly go off on a tangent and ask all the young people: why aren’t you at the deli counters?! Was it my time of day? Was it because, like me in years before, you felt wildly confused and vulnerable at that counter without your mothers? Seriously, I was the only one there without grey hair. Okay, back on track, sorry. I ordered my meat, but forgot to specifiy thinly sliced, so my turkey slices are the thickness of the fifth Harry Potter book. I’ve only seen sandwiches this thick at New York City Jewish delis. My TMJ is back. So don’t forget to ask when you’re being super adult and going to the deli counter: thinly sliced. Your jaw is not like a snake’s and cannot unhinge, so it will thank you for this decision.
I watched black and white movies. Although, to be fair, I’ve never been anti-black and white. My favorites this week are Some Like it Hot, Arsenic and Old Lace and Strangers on a Train. I’ve had a few rainy nights and since I have a new flatscreen TV in my bedroom, I’ve been settling down, turning out the lights and laughing and crying with my absolute favorites. As much as I adore Tangled, this has made me feel very classy and wise which is how old people should feel.
I am getting my car inspected on time. I am. I promise. I’ll make an appointment – just relax, okay?
I turned in an application for a second job, because adults should be bringing in enough money to grocery shop once a week, not one a month. Yes, I have been living off molding breads and curdling dairy products for the past however many years and enough is enough! With this second job, I shall be able to forever have fresh bread! Green apples! Ripe grapes! Milk that is white, not yellow! This will not only improve my body, but improve the smell of my fridge.
I’m going to Pittsburgh Fashion Week, which sounds like the single most adorable thing in the entire world. It has runway shows and vendor fairs and is going to be absolutely precious. My bestie and I will be attending together in fabulous adult dresses and heels and will look wonderfully mature and fashionable. I also bought Sephora liquid eyeliner, suggested by the fabulous Cézanne Colvin. Now if only I knew how in God’s name to put it on and NOT look like a complete idiot, that’d be swell (old people hands tend to shake).
Interrupting myself to say that I found Geena Davis! She was a customer at my store! Sure, she was under the alias of Tina, but seriously, Geena? Tina? Who do ya think you’re foolin’, girl? Same face, same exact voice. Only difference was her hair was just like it was in Beetlejuice and she put on like, thirty pounds, but I found her! I almost asked for her autograph but was feeling so shy, and besides, only children go around asking for autographs. Adults politely nod and continue on their way. See? Maturity.
I refrained from making a tasteless joke on Tumblr. This is a BFD. I mean, it’s a mature decision. Adults don’t say “BFD” because it stands for something very inappropriate and adults – at least, the mature, society-improving adults – don’t use such language, damnit.
I haven’t made a “That’s what she said!” joke in like, six days. This is a new world record. I’ll be contacting Guinness soon. The beer, not the book.
So? How’ve I done? I think I’ve done pretty darn-tootin’ well! It’s not easy, that’s for sure. I almost crapped my pants when they called my number at the deli counter (and definitely pronounced the brand of turkey’s name wrong, making me look like a freaking novice idiot!) and I stabbed myself with the liquid eyeliner about six times and I miss Geena Davis every single day, but I’m surviving. If I can survive this, you can, too!
What do you do to act adult and mature and super fabulous? Just warning you, if you say anything along the lines of workout/laundry/take vitamins, you’re going to annoy me and make me look bad, so don’t go there, okay? Thanks.
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09.23.2011 |
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I’m so jealous!! I’m only turning 23 next week
I have to endure ONE MORE YEAR before dressing in fancy dresses,heels and attend fashion weeks?!!! I refuse! I will not accept this!!! Other than that,totally loved this. Gah,you’re so talented gurl…
I turned 22 a few weeks ago, and to celebrate that fact and the fact that I’m starting my final year of university, I finally cleaned my room. And I mean really cleaned it – I threw out all my notebooks from my final year of secondary school, for example, and the expired condoms that we were given free the first week of college. So. Grown. Up.
I’m sorry, I’m just too distracted by the fact that your last name is Flynn. As in Rider. Flynn Rider. Ugh, Tangled on the brain.
You are everything I strive to be before my own 24th birthday come April. (And I take gummy vitamins because I refuse to grow up where that’s concerned, hokay?)
Also, I was given grief about putting old black-and-white movies in the vein of Hitchcock’s older stuff on the Netflix queue! I view this as a sign of burgeoning maturity as well as the sad fact that those people (my parents) just need to learn to respect the classics!
I actually folded my fitted sheets this week, and I saw that as the true harbinger of my adulthood. Typically they just get wound up into a big ball and tossed into my closet, but this week I folded them like a lady into a nice little square. I sent a picture text to my mom. (I still take gummy vitamins too…)
I bought buttons!!! I bought buttons to replace a broken button on a pair of pants instead of creating a “button substitute” with a safety pin and a belt! …but I’m 29 and should, apparently be 5 years into the whole “adult-hood-thing”. I still make “that’s what she said” jokes daily, I fall over when I where heels and I only run if something’s chasing me. never. for. a. workout. Maturity still evades me.
YES! Buttons make you feel SO grown up! I wanted to replace some buttons to make a pair of sailor shorts a little more ~stylish~ but never went through with it. You’re inspiring me, Bethany. I need buttons!
So glad I have nine months to figure out this whole adulthood shenans. I’m so proud of you!
As a seasoned 24 year old (I turn 25 in November… don’t get me started on how scary 25 is to me), I can say you’re doing very well young grasshopper! I remember my first time going up to the deli counter, and it was quite terrifying. However, I’m a vegetarian and I panic every time I have do do anything meat related for my boyfriend in a grocery store (that’s what she said). For me that was a big part of adulthood, learning how to buy meat, since I literally NEVER had to do that before I started grocery shopping for two. Learning how to cook meat is the next step… my boyfriend is an excellent cook and I’m afraid I’ll give him food poisoning by cooking meat wrong, so I’m still not there. I also started using liquid eyeliner this year, but I don’t use it often enough to be a pro yet. I’m really good at doing the winged out thing on my left eye, but for some reason it never looks the same on my right eye. I think that might be a goal for 25…
First of all, thank you, master! Second, cooking for others? No thank you. I have a panic attack every time my boyfriend suggests it. We’re just so picky, but opposite picky, if that makes sense. It’ll be out to eat and tv dinners for us forever, I’m afraid
At least until I get sick of him enough to tell him to suck it up!
oh man!! I just bought a dish drainer for my kitchen sink AND a box of baking powder for the fridge smell….and various other cleaning products that made me feel SOOOO responsible and grown up.
You know what? I will turn 40 on Sunday and what I have found is…there is no ‘acting like an adult’ specific definition. I act silly and drive my daughter crazy by using today’s slang phrases in a silly voice. My goal is to just have fun dammit. Have fun live your life and screw what you are ‘supposed’ to do!
You and my dad MUST know each other, because he does the same thing. Is this part of parenthood classes?
PS I also take gummy vitamins, cos they’re yummy and shaped like dinosaurs
You’re just great. I’m young enough to say you’re a BFD. Congrats on the non smelly fridge!!!
And you’re my new favorite, congratulations.
Over the last few months my friends and I have really calmed down on the weekends. For example, I went to dinner and had some drinks last night. I was in bed by 11…..PM!
Totally. College is over, and although I wasn’t exactly a party animal those years, it’s bed by 10 or 11 and no more than 2 drinks a week…on a CRAZY week.
Hahahaha, love this! I’ve been 24 for 5 months, but for the first 2 I wrote on every form that I was still 23. I guess my subconscious mind just couldn’t let go! Grandma here (as I lovingly call myself and my mother has started to join in…….) just added Some Like It Hot and Gentlemen Prefer Blondes to my Netflix Instant Queue the other night! Watch out world this old bitty is on the loose! *What was that noise? Was that my hip popping out?! ;o)
I am not yet 24, I still have about three weeks of being 23, but I feel the impending doom approaching. The days that I try to be adult-like usually result in me actually buying real food at the grocery store, instead of hot pockets. Also filling up my gas tank instead of putting in $5 when it’s on empty so that I can make it to class (but spending $6 on coffee…) . Also, leaving not only on time, but EARLY to get to class. Deciding to put back the fingerless gloves/mitten combo that looks like a panda (seriously, how cute is that… and there was a matching hat!) because we need to budget… but I will come back for you panda mittens, I will. Let’s see, what else do I do to pretend that I am actually an adult and not just a child that can drink… I’m drawing a blank. Maybe in three weeks I will have more answers for you. Terrific article though, this is a new favorite site for me.
And to think… I’m only 22 but still freak out when I think things like “I own a car??? You mean I don’t drive my parents cars?? Wait… I paid off all my car insurance? I have insurance??” sometimes I wonder if I should get some health insurance and feel really grown up… Then I slap myself back to reality and remind myself of the plan my dad taught me “The plan is to live forever, and so far it’s working.”
By health… I meant “Life” I’m still covered on my parents health insurance as a student