There was a press conference yesterday in New York in which, billionaire Clive Palmer unveiled blueprints for a new Blue Star Liner. Not the best time to be pushing cruises on people, considering the recent Triumph debacle. However, Palmer didn’t unveil plans for for any old cruise – he announced the construction of the Titanic II.
Yes. Really. The ship will be a replica of the original RMS Titanic from 1912 and the first voyage will embark in 2016 from South Hampton, England to New York. Passengers will get the chance to experience all the majesty of the original ship, complete with foods from the Titanic’s original menu and, of course everyone’s favorite: its class system. From a historic standpoint, that seems like an interesting idea – perhaps everyone pays the same amount per ticket and when you board the ship you’re assigned a room at random and get to see how all sorts of passengers lived. However, from what I’ve read, it will pretty much operate by whoever pays the most. So for example, the person who already offered a million to be on the first voyage will probably be in first class. If you’re poor but still want to travel on the ship of a lifetime, you will get to authentically experience third class. Passengers will also be given 1920s costumes to wear as part of their ticket price- so you’re either going to get something super dapper or probably something wool or tweed.
Some other important details have yet to be decided, such as whether or not the ship will have WiFi, which is always such a crucial component of any elaborate 1900s experience. It’s also a great way to prevent people from reporting bad experiences on the ship such as “@CNN this corset I paid for is really chafing and I think it gave me lice” or “hey @huffpost these portions are really 1920s #FatandMad.” While internet access is up for debate, the ship will have air conditioning, no TVs and hopefully be equipped with modern plumbing (re: Hell Cruise).
Even though the entire idea is strange to me, there are definitely some positives. Palmer says the costumes “will help you pretend you’re in the movie.” Such a good idea right? Hopefully that means the chance to scream “I’m the king of the world!” from the bow or a custom oil painting in the nude and NOT the whole ‘running head on into an iceberg’ thing. Even if that happened, I’m sure everyone would be fine. I mean, in 2016, we all know cruise technology will be at its prime. Blue Star Line assures that it will be the safest cruise ship in the world when it launches. It’s almost as if they are claiming it will be unsinkable, which doesn’t sound familiar at all.
Hopefully these movie amusement attractions will pop up everywhere, like one based on Argo, where you can pretend you’re a hostage in Iran trying to get back to the US. Another plus: global warming is going to be in full swing, which will be horrible for polar bears, but great for Titanic II passengers. Palmer noted, “One of the benefits of global warming is there hasn’t been as many icebergs in the North Atlantic these days.” That’s really assuring. If I were going on the ship, and I wouldn’t because even that ’90s Titanic museum exhibit freaked me out, I’d be happy to know there aren’t as many icebergs that could bring me to my icy death – just a few.
Additionally, anyone who pays to go on this maiden voyage is really doing Palmer a favor. He said, “I want to spend the money I’ve got before I die. You might as well spend it, not leave it to the kids to spend. There will be enough left for them anyway.” We all know we’re always looking for ways to help rich hilarious billionaires like Palmer because it’s really hard to find good causes to spend your money on – just ask Bill Gates. All in all, I’m sure it will be fun and most importantly create tons of jobs, which we all know is important, given the state of our economy. Palmer doesn’t care what the cost is – which is why he decided it be built in China. It’s just good for the 400,000 + individuals already interested in the ship to know that quality will not be sacrificed. After all, nothing that says “Made in China” ever breaks – or hits an iceberg.
What do you think? Would you go on the cruise? Let us know in the comments below!
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