People of the world, I am here to tell you that Barbies have rights too. We are not just mere toys you can throw into the corner or dress up as your favorite fitness star. We dolls have feelings too and when you allow your children to mess us up, pull our hair, dress us like this…then we need to speak out. This cruelty must end!

I mean, look at my hair! Some little girl decided to tease my hair and spray it with Lysol. What do you people teach your children? It’s enough to make me sick! I’m not even going to talk about what happened to the Hannah Montana doll…well, you see, she was under the bed with me when all of a sudden this little boy grabbed her by the legs. I could hear the boy banging something against the wall and then to my horror I saw, oh it’s too terrible to even mention…her, her head!!! Oh why! Why! Was it because Miley Cyrus was caught smoking pot on the Internet? She was STRESSED, people. What do you expect from an untalented teenager with too much money and time on her hands?

You think being a Barbie is easy? Well, I’d like to see you deal with snotty-nosed children twisting your arms every which way and then drawing mustaches on your face. We don’t want to be forced to sit down to stupid tea parties or pretend to be dating Ken (who, by the way now wants to be referred to as Latichia). It’s humiliating! This is why I am making this plea today. I am callling out to Amnesty International to help us fight for the rights of Barbies everywhere. We just want to get jobs, settle down and start families, and live life like the rest of you. We are not so different, just because we have plastic crotches that don’t function? We are worthy of healthcare benefits, I mean when we bend our legs backwards it hurts and we need medical attention too. Just because we can do it doesn’t mean that we should!

If you are supportive of our cause, please go to www.barbiesforchange.com and click on the donate button. We take cash only. I’ve got to get my hair fixed so please send money NOW!

P.S. If you have some glue, can you please send it via Fed-Ex? We can’t find any around this place that isn’t clogged up and Hannah really is getting sick of walking around holding her head. Thanks!

You can read more from Dana Leipold on her blog.