Nothing makes me happier than the warmer weather. With Spring approaching, I’ve started to look forward to wearing skirts and dresses again, but this pleasant anticipation is always tinged by fear. After many unfortunate and embarrassing incidents in which Mother Nature’s pet monster – the wretched, deplorable, and inconsiderate beast known as wind – forces my skirt up, I started to get nervous when attired in one. Wind has the ability to send your skirt skyward, revealing your underwear and taking away your dignity, pride and confidence. But, with my foolproof tips, you will be able to keep your self-esteem and your skirt intact. Take that, wind!
When the wind starts to terrorize you, don’t cower to its heedless and malicious attitude, just keep walking. That being said, you might have to tailor your walk to more of a waddle in order to keep your skirt in place. The waddle sounds graceless but can actually look poised and professional if done correctly. A poised and professional waddle consists of keeping your hands at your sides, holding your dress or skirt down, and taking very small shuffle steps until you reach your desired destination.
In order to achieve the proper graceful effect, it’s important to remember to keep your head held high as you waddle. This action should be instinctive, however, because the waddle represents strength, power and control over the wind, so you should be proud when atmospheric conditions afford you the opportunity to do it. You should also make sure you have the time to waddle to wherever you’re going, because it will definitely take you longer to get there.
Wind Chime It Up:
If you are a crafty, creative person and don’t have the time or skill to waddle, a great alternative is to turn yourself into a human wind chime. To do this all you have to do is sew or Superglue metal pipes to the bottom of your dress or skirt. Make sure the pipes are heavy enough to hold down your clothing. Not only will this allow your skirt to stay in place, but it will also allow you to turn the annoyance of wind gusts into something beautiful that is completely, uniquely your own, kind of like your own theme song.
Be careful when you turn yourself into a human wind chime because you are wearing something powerful, the gift of song. A song that has the ability to inspire those around you, spread happiness and cheer, and most importantly, it will remind the wind of the domination you have established over it.
Wait it Out:
Another option, if you are not prepared with metal pipes, is to seek refuge in a non-windy place. Some places I recommend are cafes, restaurants, clothing stores or alleyways – the point being to locate a spot where you can sit comfortably and laugh in triumph over the wind.
And if all else fails, wear pants.
Featured image via.