The Week In WHAT?! Sriracha's Ruining Lives, Doggies Are Getting High and Cat-Like Smells Jonathan Zipper

Welcome to November, Movember, NaNoWriMo, or whatever you want to call it! It’s cool if you’re still recovering from that Halloween candy hangover or horror movie marathon. As a poetic Axl Rose once crooned in the Guns ‘N Roses power ballad, November Rain, “Everybody needs some time on their own. Don’t you know you need some time all alone?”

While you patiently wait for that adorable sugary food baby to arrive, or your sense of safety to return, stretch yourself out somewhere nice and cozy with a freshly baked edition of “The Week In WHAT?!

Church Didn’t See It Coming

Throughout history, phallic architecture and shrines are quite common. Whether the structures pay homage to fertility or are simply part of a tongue-in-cheek design, society still seems fascinated by a sturdy symbolic phallus. Although, sometimes a group develops a building only to later realize they had penis subconsciously on the brain. That’s more than likely what went down when the Christian Science Society of Dixon, Illinois completed construction on its new church — unless the town name was the inspiration. After a birds-eye view of the girthy roof went viral, the church responded on its Facebook page revealing a new aerial look: a fig leaf. Do those Dixon Christian Scientists have a sense of humor or what?

That’s Spicy!

Your love of Sriracha sauce is apparently ruining the lives of residents in Irwindale, California. The SoCal city filed a lawsuit against Sriracha maker, Huy Fong Foods, claiming that the spicy chili stench from the factory is wreaking havoc among its citizens. Some have complained that the strong smell forces them to stay inside their homes or be subject to burning eyes, irritated throats and headaches. The Los Angeles Superior Court will determine whether to force a temporary closure of the plant (until the issue is resolved) or if Irwindale locals are just suffering from a case of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad allergies.

Poor, Unfortunate (Dog) Souls

(Warning: if you’re eating or squeamish, you might want to skip this one.)

All new dog owners quickly learn of their four-legged friends’ love of sniffing random sidewalk poop. While many try to pull their pets away during such behavior, a little lingering whiff or two never really caused a major problem. However, some pups in Berlin are ingesting and overdosing on the fecal matter of rampant drug users. The human excrement found in Görlitzer Park apparently contains a concentration of narcotics that’s made many dogs high, and in some instances has led to dehydration, shaking, an inability to walk properly and a rapid heartbeat. Next time you take little Max or Bella to the park, you may want to pay closer attention to their extracurricular activities — regardless of where you live.

Relax! Your Cat Did Not Touch Your Computer

Are you the owner of a Dell Latitude 6430u laptop? If so, you may be wondering why there’s the constant smell of cat piss following you around. Don’t worry. There’s nothing wrong with your nose, and there probably isn’t anything wrong with your hygiene either. After receiving multiple user complaints since June 2013, Dell recently admitted that a process during the manufacturing of the portable computer actually generates a “cat pee” like odor. While the company insists it isn’t harmful, Dell will replace any affected laptops. So, the next time you smell feline urine in your home, it’s either because you have a cat or popped open a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

And there you have this week in “WHAT?!” Can’t wait to see what’s in store for humanity next!

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  1. I rather enjoyed this.

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