There are a lot of things that happen on TV that I often wish I could pull off in real life, a large number of them involving looking good in any of the outfits worn on Gossip Girl. Also, (perhaps because of said outfits), Serena always seems to be drinking alone in bars and meeting very handsome men (despite the fact, that after five seasons of the show, she might just now be of legal drinking age). The whole ‘being a cool, composed person who can have a casual drink in a bar by herself’ thing happens on a lot of shows (Samantha did it on Sex and the City and met a billionaire!), and it’s something I envy, given my documented fear of eating alone. This fear is why, when I got stood up a few weeks ago, I had a moment of sheer panic. It was one of those unfortunate situations where I didn’t have the guy’s number so I was just blindly circling the restaurant hoping I might find him…and nothing. My first instinct was to go home and eat pie. Then the cooler and more composed part of me kicked in and pointed out that it would be silly to have driven three quarters of the way across town to a restaurant I’d been wanting to try for nothing. So I approached the bar and sat down.
This is the part where I wish I could tell you that something magical happened and a super cute guy walked up to me and asked for my number. Spoiler alert, my life is not actually a TV show, so that will not be happening. One guy did ask if the seat next to me was taken, but he was both not my type and waiting for his date to show up. No, it was a pretty mundane evening in terms of actual events. I sat there and had my beer and my burger (overrated, as I had feared, but I needed to try it myself) and ogled the bartenders (alas, the cutest one was married).
Nope, event-wise, nothing happened. Mental state wise, it was another story. As I sat at the bar, I kept waiting for some sort of embarrassment/panic/awkwardness to set in. I expected to feel uncomfortable or lonely, but strangely enough, I did not. Apparently, I am now the kind of person who is capable of eating a meal in a restaurant by myself and enjoying it. This, I feel, is no small feat for me. Turns out, I don’t have to be lonely when I’m alone.
In retrospect, I’m sort of glad my date didn’t show. There’s something to be said for being able to enjoy a good meal without the stress of making conversation with a stranger. There’s also the fact that too many rituals (going out to dinner, sharing a nice bottle of wine, seeing a movie) have become so conflated with coupledom that for me, they were things that were difficult to enjoy on their own. The truth is, however, that while there’s certainly pleasure in doing things in the company of others, there’s also joy to be derived from the things themselves, and it’s not something we should deny ourselves just because we’re single.
In conclusion: I recommend this. Go to a bar, sit down by yourself, have a drink. You probably won’t meet a really wealthy guy, you may not meet any guy, but you will get a huge confidence boost. And to me, that’s worth the price of having to buy your own drink.
Image via Pop Culture Playpen
so cool – i shared tanya’s video and now there’s an entry revolving around it. (:
Congratulations! I myself have overcome this very fear
I used to almost have a panic attack every time I walked into an eating space by myself, but these days I love going to cafes and enjoying being on my own with my thoughts/music/book/writing. It’s so relaxing, and I love the feeling of being anonymous and independent.
thanks, i’ll try it.
Great Article! I know a lot of girls feel the same way, I know I do. I remember I use to feel so embarrassed to eat alone, now I kind of enjoy the solitude.
this is such an inspirational post! i really hate the idea of going out to eat or drink alone, but now i just might have to give it a shot. thanks!
right on! lonely isn’t a given just because you’re alone. I had some similar thoughts recently that I shared in my blog http://acalmlyalone.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/a-table-for-one/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs Watch this. It’s the most enlightening thing, for people who are afraid or unused to being alone.
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Great article. Eating alone is a fear of mine, but I don’t want it to be!
I did this for the first time a month ago. The place I wanted to go to has amazing drinks because this super cute bartender is a freaking genius so in hopes to impress him I went and had a drink or 2 and though people looked at me weird it was extremely liberating to sit there and enjoy a good drink.
Yup. Just knowing that you can go to the bar and have a drink and a meal by yourself and be fine makes life a little better.