OH MY GOD. Do you know how close my due date is? No? Probably not. But I do. It’s twenty-five days away. You know what that means – it means that I could feasibly ‘go’ at any time now. I’m freaking out. But in a good way, mostly. I’m nesting like all holy hell (do you actually know the kind of stuff that can accumulate behind a washer and dryer? I could die), finishing the baby’s room (which is complete, with the exception of THAT BABY) and stocking up on breast pads and sanitary pads and whatever other pads you might need to block the many leaking orifices that’ll be on the way soon.
Before you ask, no, I will not be breast-feeding. I KNOW. I know. I’m the worst mother to ever walk the earth and there’s going to be psychological damage along with the myriad health problems that my kids are going to encounter in their lifetime because they weren’t breastfed and right, yes, all of that. You don’t need to tell me. I’ve heard it all before. But guys? I think that the whole how-you’re-going-to-feed-your-children thing is a decision unique to mothers everywhere, and unlike *some* people I’ve encountered over the past few weeks (and months), I’m not going to judge them because they choose to do something differently than I would. It’s just not in me to do that, I guess, and I’m far too excitedly anticipatory to really bother with bellyaching over whether or not people think I’m making The Ultimate Parenting Decision to End All Parenting Decisions in Life Forever and Ever Amen.
The only thing that seems to be putting a damper on my excitement, however, is the fact that my ‘alone time’ with my daughter is quickly coming to a close. Boo hoo, right? If that’s the worst of my problems, I should count myself lucky and I do. I fully realize that nothing unmanageable is going to change, and my little girl is going to be here when I get home from the hospital and, God willing, for the rest of our lives, but I also know that there’s going to be a slightly different dynamic than the one that’s present right now. So what do I do with all of my free time? “How are you spending it, Sarah?” is probably right on the tip of your tongue, isn’t it? Don’t worry: I’ll take the words right out of your mouth and give you an answer back in return.
In between managing the other sites I write for and doing that whole bill-paying thing and cooking and cleaning and doing the wife thing like a complete maniac, I take long, luxurious two-hour afternoon naps with my cuddly, warm, maple-smelling daughter on the couch. Sometimes? We even go up to mommy and daddy’s bed and take them up there, and that, my friends, has been one of the most glorious parts of the pregnancy. I know I shouldn’t act like something’s coming to an end, but realistically speaking, it is, and it’s going to be a transition for everyone in some way, shape or form. It’s going to be good – hell, it’s going to be wonderful – but it’s going to be different, and different is something that I’ve not been accustomed to in a long, long time. Guess I better dust off the old poor-me glove and pat myself on the back with it a few times before the baby gets here, right?
So of course, naturally, things have been completely crazy. I’ve been tying up all sorts of loose ends before I go off the grid for awhile, at least, and have begun the process of prioritizing the things that I need to do after Jack does arrive. It’s going to be a change, and I’m excited about it. I’ve got so much love to heap upon these two kids that it’s going to be almost stomach-churning. For others. But it’s true, and every time I look at my daughter, I see both her and my still-unborn son. And I am happy, my friends.