Dating is an investment. You invest your time, your money and, most importantly, your emotions. The more of each you put in, the bigger the risk. When your returns aren’t what you hoped, you’re disappointed at best. At worst, you are borderline-comatose in his old t-shirt with angry Kelly Clarkson songs on repeat, surrounded by wet balls of tissue and empty packages of junk food. Not that I would know, or anything.

In my younger days filled with boundless optimism and naivety, dating was a means to a beautiful forever. When you have a lot of time to grow your investments, you invest aggressively. You pick options with high potential despite high volatility because you have time to let the upside overtake the downside. The most difficult part is learning to cut your losses.

I’ve become more risk-averse with age. When you have a shorter time span to invest before you pull your earnings, you don’t have enough time to make mistakes. I’m not running to the altar or anything, but I am old enough to start considering that option. Plus, as my life fills with responsibilities, I have less time, income and patience to deal with volatility. And between you and me, I’ve had a few bad investments that depleted my emotional bank account. I have since replenished my funds, but I am reticent to invest so recklessly again.

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and the movies and the Hallmark cards tell you that you have to go all in to get the most out of love. Maybe that’s true. But if you’re anything like me and are too scared, too tired or just plain not ready to put it all on the line, here are a few tips I’ve pulled from investing that can help you manage your risk.

1. Diversify– Smart investors diversify, which means they have many types of investments from different industries. With a diverse portfolio, if a particular investment is doing poorly, chances are good that there will be other investments that are doing well enough to compensate for the loss. Think of it as putting your eggs into several baskets.Indulge in your hobbies. Spend time with friends and family. Spend time on yourself. Continuing to invest in the things you enjoy help you maintain your identity in a relationship. If things don’t work out, you will have a much easier time bouncing back with other things to occupy your time and mind. Added bonus – you will be better primed to find someone new when you are living a happy, interesting life.
2. Look into Emerging Markets– Emerging markets are nations experiencing rapid growth and development such as Brazil, China and India. Charlemagne Capital does a great job outlining the opportunities in emerging markets. To summarize, because these regions are industrializing much faster than already-developed companies like the United States, emerging markets offer great long-term returns. These investments also offer the opportunity to diversify, which lowers your risk.If you have a few failed investments picked up from running in your current circles, visit new stomping grounds. Join a sports league. Take a new class. Pick up a new hobby. Visit different bars. At the very least, your new adventures will add to your fun, diversified life. And for all you know, you might meet someone completely different and exciting. Which brings me to my next point…
3. Consider Alternative Investments– Alternative investments are investments outside of the traditional stocks, bonds, real estate, etc. While traditional investments are more familiar to most people, alternative investments such as collectibles, start-up companies or precious metals can provide some great opportunities.Sometimes people get stuck in a dating pattern because it’s comfortable. You might not be happy, but at least you know what to expect. If you are scared of taking chances, reverting to old habits can be tempting. But if you keep getting caught in the same situations, break the pattern. This might sounds scary and completely against what avoiding risk is all about. However, you are better off going after the chance that you might find a happier, healthier relationship as opposed to something that is already a guaranteed bad investment.
4. Research– Careful investors don’t just buy the stock du jour. They study trends, follow industry news, and look into the history of their investments before making a decision. When it comes to careful dating, I think it is wise to do the same.Google the people you date. Seriously. People check reviews on everything from restaurants to new dentists, but Google somebody you are starting to have feelings for and suddenly you’re psycho? I don’t buy it. Don’t do anything unethical, mind you. Don’t hack his email account or check his phone. But feel free to talk to mutual friends, read his Facebook profile, or ask him reasonable questions point blank. If your goal is to mitigate risk, you have the right to know what you’re getting into.

   And if you disagree, then you can go write “Dating for Lucky People Who Have No Problems Taking Risks Because They are Emotionally Stable and Don’t Need Therapy,” because clearly, this is not the article for you.

5. Don’t settle. Ever. – I want to make it clear that the goal is to lower your risk, not your returns. If your current emotional investment doesn’t give you the high returns you want, it’s a bad investment and I don’t care how safe he is. If you are in a down market and you can’t find a single option that meets your criteria, sit on your resources until conditions improve. You are better off developing your life by investing in yourself than becoming invested in someone who won’t make you happy.

I’m not discouraging love. I’m not a cynic. I’m a careful optimist who thinks other careful optimists ought to have great Valentine’s Days on their own terms and timeframes. So I hope your February 14 is a great one. And best of luck with your investments, financial or otherwise

Image by thanunkorn @ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Mary Dacuma hails from Los Angeles where she works as a Communications professional in the financial industry. She enjoys food, football and watching way too much TV, especially shows about ancient history, professional matchmakers and outrageous housewives from major cities. Feel free to stalk her on her Facebook page, where she posts sardonic commentary about her daily life and all the aforementioned subjects.
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