Just because I’m in my ’20s don’t you dare say I don’t know what love is. Your ’20s is when you know exactly what love is. It’s the time when you fall into it and out of it so many goddamn times that you better know what it is. A 20 something’s heart swells and breaks into an infinite amount of pieces so many times you lose count.
Just because it’s not going to last, and just because it started with a hook up at a sports bar and ended with a drunk text from you on Tuesday 3 weeks later, doesn’t mean s**t. Trust me.
It’s probably, definitely, most likely love if….
1) You aren’t too sure on how to pronounce their last name.
Don’t be ashamed if this is because you have never actually heard him/her say their last name, and you’ve only read it on Facebook or Instagram. This is totally normal for our generation. Try to find a smooth way for them to say it out loud during a conversation so you can see if your name fits with that last name.
2) You brush your hair.
There’s no need to brush your hair unless you will definitely see or might possibly see the person you want to kiss on the mouth, let’s all be honest with ourselves.
3) You pretend to know nothing about them.
But actually, you know everything about them. Well, let me be clear you know at least what they post on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Which, by the way, those social media platforms speak the truth. Totes mcgotes.
4) You plot ways to see them.
And I mean plot, as come up with schemes and game plans as if you were a going to kidnap them. Not that you would, but you need to have a plan a, b and possible c on how you can just walk in their peripheral vision. It’s hard work, but totally worth it.
5) You find out what cologne/perfume they wear.
And then proceed to purchase that brand and spray your pillow with it. Just kidding. But not really.
6) You lie. Straight up lie all the time.
Full disclosure: One time I told a boy I was hardcore crushing on that I loved and ate pepperoni all the time. The truth? I’m a vegetarian and never had pepperoni in my life. I just straight up lied to him, only Oprah knows why. (Spoiler alert: this never worked out. I’m pretty sure he never even knew my name)
7) You laugh at everything they say.
You’ll laugh no matter if what they are saying is funny, dumb, racist, or even in a foreign language you never studied. It doesn’t matter, what does matter is that it is all unconditionally funny.
8) You name your children.
This one is mostly for the ladies because let’s be real, we are all nuts. Do not even pretend like you don’t select 3-4 children’s name (boy and girl because who knows what gender you are going to pop out) and match it up to what you think his last name sounds like (Read #1). Just an FYI, I have a bunch of boy names, but need some names in case there is an XX chromosome in there somewhere.
9) You change your major.
Do you want to be a political science major? God, no. How about double majoring in Mathematics? Hell no. Is it worth it to sit two rows behind the love of your life and maybe join that study group he/she is in? Yes. All you need is them in the future so why stick to what you want.
10) You begin to drink way too much.
You’ll go out on a Tuesday night because they called. You’ll do jager shots because they asked you to. It’s a tangled mess. But the upside of your new drinking problem, is when this love doesn’t work out, you can drink your worries away. PERFECT!
11) You love the way they say your name.
Seriously. An angel gets it’s wings anytime they say your name. They pronounce it just the way your mother and god intended.
12) You think about what state you would move to for them.
This is important because what if their job makes you move in the future. Would you? Whatever the answer is it’s love, because either you love them enough to move or love them enough to convince them that they are making a bad life decision and sharing your tiny apartment that doesn’t have hot water is a better place to cultivate your love.
13) You listen to Taylor Swift.
All the time. And relate the song lyrics to the pseudo-existent relationship you have with the person.
14) You stay friends with people who know him.
This one makes you sound like an awful person and that’s because you ARE an awful person for doing this. Your mother did not raise you like this, but it’s worth the looks of disdain when people find this out just to hear how he’s doing or what he dressed up as for Halloween.
15) You can’t put into words why you find them so intriguing.
When there is no logical reason why you should feel this way about someone you barely know, that’s when you know its super serious. The heart wants what the heart wants and that’s all there is to it. Love isn’t logical, so to hell with it– #yolo.
16) It’s the most treacherous and reckless path, but you like it…(Yes, that is a Taylor Swift lyric, see #13)
Isn’t that the beauty of being in love? It’s not really a choice, it kind of just happens and it’s second nature to fall into their space and the hope they inexplicably leave you with with one simple smile, glance, accidental touch, rush of warmth, magic….ugh fill in the blank!
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