9 Classic Love Stories That Would Be Less Romantic If Set in Modern DayGabi Conti

Technology ruins romance.

I often find myself crying over how I wish my life were like a movie. Until I had this reality check: no classic love story would be as romantic if set in 2013, because social media murders romance.

We live in an age where guys don’t call. And if they do, you wonder if there’s something wrong with them. There are no love letters. If you’re lucky you’ll get an emoji that you spend hours decoding, “Is he sending me a pig face because he’s being cute? Or does he think I’m fat?” You’re not fat. He’s just lazy.

So, here’s what happens when we take nine of the most classic love stories of all time and set them in modern day:

• Romeo and Juliet

1. Romeo & Juliet

If these lovers crossed stars in 2013, Romeo would’ve found Jules “too needy” for always texting him, “Wherefore art thou Romeo?” And Jules may have been a little creeped out that Romeo was the Mayor of outside her balcony window on Foursquare. And instead of them confessing their love for each other face-to-face, they would’ve just tweeted it.

2. Romeo & Juliet - Romeo's Twitter

• The Notebook

If this happened today, instead of RyRy writing Rachey all those letters that they cried about in the rain. He would’ve just poked her a bunch of times on Facebook.

3. The Notebook

• Cinderella

4. Cinderella

Instead of Prince Charming searching high and low to find Cinderella, he would’ve just posted a Missed Connection on Craigslist. Cindy saw it. But she’s not responding. After the ball she went home and googled the Prince, only to discover he’s a womanizer with commitment issues and a shoe fetish.

• The Odyssey

5. The Odyssey

I lost interest in this classic tale after I discovered even though it’s written by Homer, it has nothing to do with The Simpsons. According to Cliff Notes, this dude Odysseus spends 20 years on a journey fighting monsters and still finds his way back to his wife Penelope and their kids. All because of true love. Okay. If that happened today, it would be less of a love story, because Odysseus would totally be one of those obnoxious travelers who checks into EVERYWHERE on Facebook. And most of these check-ins would probably be with girls who have slutty looking profile pictures. And Penelope would be all, “who’s Athena?!” And Odysseus be all, “get off my sh*t!” And then Penelope would change her profile picture to one with sick skinny arm so Odysseus could be reminded of how much hotter she is than that Athena slut.

• Titanic

If set in modern day, Jack would not have drawn Rose naked like “one of his French girls.” Instead, he would’ve just snapped a “tasteful” nude of her on his iPhone. And then posted it on Instagram. But! He would’ve chosen a super romantic filter! Something like Hefe. Everyone looks good in Hefe.

6. Titanic

• Antony and Cleopatra

Love at first sight. Forbidden love. It’s basically like Romeo and Juliet but in Egypt (Shakespeare got lazy). So, Tony kills himself after hearing fake news of Cleo’s death. And then she kills herself after she finds out he died for real. If this took place today that would’ve never have happened because of Twitter. Even if someone posted on Cleopatra’s wiki that she was dead. And #RIPCleopatra was trending on Twitter. That would last like a minute tops. Because the Internet makes faking your death like REALLY hard. And what’s so romantic about a live happy couple? Booooooring.

7. Anthony & Cleopatra

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  1. hahaah LOVED IT!
    <3

  2. This is so original!!! Can’t stop laughing. It’s the ugly truth ^^

  3. Haha! Great article, love this!

  4. While I think this article could use some editorial work (see previous comments), I thought it was quite humorous and I would tend to agree with the opinion it expresses. Though technology’s ability to connect people easily seems to cater to more successful romances, I am definitely a “hopeless romantic” – and by romantic, I refer not just to love, but to its many definitions. I still write letters – love letters or otherwise – and I prefer paper and the feel of a real book in my hands as opposed to ebooks and the like. I personally think that the mobile app described below is a perfect example of just how unromantic technology is. If we love someone, shouldn’t we be thinking about him/her enough to WANT to “shoot them a romantic text?” Instead it becomes a task, a chore – akin to reminding oneself to buy milk at the store. I have a book suggestion for you, and that would be Specimen Days by Michael Cunningham. He is a brilliant contemporary author; one of the few I actually read as literature. The novel is set in New York City during three different time periods: Victorian, Present Day, and Future. Essentially, Cunningham looks at industry and technology, their affect upon human connection, and offers poetry as the solution to the degrading human relationships and desensitized emotions caused by them. And, of course, there is a love story!

    • Thanks Danielle! Happy to see I am not alone! I’ll defiantly check out Specimen Days. Thanks for the suggestion!

      Gabi Conti | 3/31/2013 11:03 am
  5. Hi Gabi, hopeless romantic to hopeless romantic allow me to disagree. I think technology enable so much more possibility of romance! We -girls/ or gay guys- just have to be opened to it and not take romance “by the book”.
    I know a geek who created a mobile app for himself to be reminded everyday at a specific time to send a cute, romantic text to his gf. He would write the text himself in time of inspiration and the app will just remind him to choose one and send it. His gf joked that she feels she is exchanging text with a robot but I found it very cute. And when I mentioned that app to my other guys colleagues they all wanted one! Romance is about being surprised and smile, does it really matter if it is by facebook msg or running a thousand miles? I personally wouldn’t mind.

    • Carole that app sounds awesome! It’s nice to see technology keeping romance alive :)

      Gabi Conti | 3/31/2013 11:03 am
  6. It’s not “Anthony and Cleopatra” it’s Antony. And yeah,”wherefore” means why.

  7. As Amanda stated (and I wish I could just reply to her comment but the site won’t let me) the “Wherefore” doesn’t mean where, but why.

  8. “Wherefore” doesn’t mean “where”. It means “why”. When she says, “Wherefore art thou, Romeo?” Juliet is asking why the man she loves has to be a Montague, since the Capulets are feuding with the family.

    • Ha Thanks Amanda! Ah you’re right! I should’ve paid more attention in English class :(

      Gabi Conti | 3/31/2013 11:03 am
  9. Not all romantic stories would be hopelessly mangled if modernized. Check out the Lizzie Bennet Diaries on YouTube. Bernie Su and hang Green have modernized pride and prejudice and used today’s technology to help the story. For example: Lizzie is a vlogger for her degree in Mass Communications, she interns at Pemberly Digital (a massive Internet Empire owned by the Darcy’s) and Darcy’s not really a tweeter, as his character would suggest (yes, they all have twitter accounts- Lydia was a huge Tweeter before the “incident”). They had to take some storytelling liberties, but overall, the story is genius. They’re launching a new modernized YouTube series in July, but until then they’re modernizing Jane Austen’s unfinished novel, Sanditon. Check LBD out- I think your hopeless romantic heart will be able to feel feels again :)

  10. Not all romantic stories would be hopelessly mangled if modernized. Check out the Lizzie bennet diaries on YouTube. Bernie Su and Hank Green have modernized pride and prejudice and used today’s technology to help the story- Lizzie is a vlogger for school, she interns at pemberley digital (a massive Internet vid empire owned by the Darcy’s), and Darcy’s not really a tweeter, as his character would suggest (yes, they all have twitter accounts- Lydia was a huge tweeter before the “incident”). They had to take some storytelling liberties, but overall, it’s been genius. They’re launching a new modernized YouTube series in July, but until then they’re modernizing Jane Austen’s unfinished novel, sanditon. Check LBD out- I think you’re hopeless romantic heart will be able to feel feels again.

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