— Because Someone Had To Tell You

8 weird things that happen when you get married that nobody prepares you for

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Marriage is a wonderful thing. While it often gets a bad reputation (especially among people who may not have had a magical experience with one) it’s truly the best symbol of love. But there are a couple weird things that happen when you get married that you probably can’t predict while you’re in the midst of wedding planning. Even if you’ve been dating forever, marriage changes the game.

And no, we’re not talking about the realization of “if this goes well, I’ll never have to deal with a first date ever again.” Although that’s pretty sweet.

While not even focusing on true love and the possible tax benefits, there are plenty of reasons as to why marriage is pretty incredible. For one, according to GoodHousekeeping.com, married adults actually live longer than unmarried couples. Also, married individuals tend to make more money during their lives.

But personally, you’re forming a bond that’s unlike any other in your life. Here are a few strange things that happen after tying the knot.

1You suddenly develop an upgraded level of confidence

You are woman, hear you roar. But really, once you become an official “Mrs.” you do feel like an actual adult for the first time. And know what adults do? They speak their mind and they get stuff done. After planning the wedding and saying “I Do,” you start realizing that you can conquer absolutely anything you set your mind to. It’s pretty fantastic.

2You stop caring so much about minor imperfections.

Your lady or gentleman married you even with clogged pores. In fact, the days of spending hours on a pre-hangout in-home spa session are pretty much over. Back during your dating days, it wasn’t uncommon to fry your hair before every Friday date night. Now? Your locks are natural, comfortable, and totally you. Now, we’re not saying that people “give up” on this stuff after marriage. They simply realize that there are more important ways to spend their time. What used to be a big job no longer needs to be.

3“Compromise” is pretty much your middle name.

Back then, your actions only affected you. Now? You’ve got someone else to think about. While you worked on compromising throughout your dating relationship, you become a pro once you get married. You know your partner so well by this stage, that you can almost predict their reaction to certain things. For example, you feel like ordering some Chinese food tonight, but he had a rough day and usually craves cheesesteaks to unwind. So, might as well just suggest going to the food court. (Even after marriage, you’re not above the food court.)

4You’re suddenly incredibly aware (and paranoid) of age and statistics.

While you know that age doesn’t make a difference as far as milestones are concerned, you’re suddenly more aware of it. These days, most women are getting married at the age of 27. For men, it’s 29. You also know that pregnancy seems to sound riskier when you’re over 35. And you want multiple kids. How.

Gone are the carefree days of thinking about “the future” with wide eyes. Now, you’re a ticking time bomb, and it’s really bothering you. You also can’t believe that Lorde is only 20. She’s an international star, yet she can’t even buy a beer yet. Why is every celebrity you look up on Google younger than you, you wonder. These weird feelings and revelations and pressures often happen right after tying the knot, and they can make you a little paranoid.

5You realize that yes, you do have a bed side preference — and sleep is important.

This is especially big if you didn’t live together before marriage. But even if you were roomies before signing the marriage certificate, there’s something very “permanent” about the way you sleep after becoming official. This is something that rarely gets discussed, and often doesn’t get a lot of thought. But, are you a left-sider or a right-sider? Focus on it tonight, as you go to sleep at 8:30 PM with no regrets.

Speaking of beds, they become way more important. Back in your early 20’s, you probably had no problem sleeping on a sheetless mattress on the floor for a night. Now? You’re saving up for the Sleep Number bed. Like a boss.

6You finally understand scheduled sex.

Blah blah blah, marriage leads to dead bedrooms, blah blah blah. Yeah, you’ve heard the stereotype before. But, there’s more than goes into a decreased sex life, and it doesn’t really offend you. Both of you are just really busy.

Of course, you know how important it is to have those romantic moments, so you find yourself scheduling one night a week for intimacy. Back then, you would have laughed at how lame that all sounded. Now? You’re happy it’s on the calendar. Based on a few studies on the subject, it seems like most married couples hit the sheets about 2 to 4 times a month, so scheduling an hour together every Monday is pretty healthy.

7You’re suddenly the love guru in your group of friends

If you’re the only married person in the group, expect your dynamic to change. Even if your girlfriends promised that everything will remain the same, it definitely won’t. And the adjustment will be weird. But, not all hope is lost.

If your girls love your partner, they might start going to you for relationship advice. After all, you managed to find love and make it stick, right? They might also freeze you out a little bit, since they may be under the assumption that you’re no longer interested in hearing about their dating adventures or boyfriend fails. (So, nip that in the bud now, and prove to them that even with the “Mrs.” title, you’re still the same person, and still want to spend time with them. Maybe just not at the bar every Wednesday night at 10:30. Or on Monday nights. See item #6.)

8Every ex seems like someone you just made up.


Wait, did that actually happen? Did you actually date that guy you worked with seven years ago? When you find the one and settle down, everything in the past turns into a dull blur. Remember when you were afraid of bumping into your ex at the pharmacy? Now, you’re more than willing to strike up a conversation with him or her about how life has been.

Every person who ever broke your heart will suddenly diminish in importance. You just stopped thinking about them, since you realized how fulfilling a relationship can be with your new husband or wife.

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