8 Things Only Children Do Differently

A lot of people have a lot of opinions about birth order, but it’s generally chalked up to this: the youngest is a big baby who always gets his/her way, the middle child is a people-pleaser, the oldest is the most independent but bitter about having to take the lead from day one, and only children are spoiled heathens who would have made great humans had they been given a brother or sister. What wastes of space, those toxic, high maintenance onlies are.

When people ask where I fall in birth order, I don’t know whether to call myself the youngest or an only child. Though technically the youngest of four, my brothers and sister are half-siblings and significantly older than me, so from fourth grade on, I was the sole kid in the household. It’s similar to being an only child, and when you identify with not one but two shamed groups, it’s easy to be underestimated and mistreated for something over which you had no control. Only children are the most criticized, as pointed out by Salon writer and embattled only child Mary Elizabeth Williams, but the ways they’re different don’t have to be viewed so negatively. Here are some things only children often do differently, and here’s why those things aren’t such a big deal.

8. Get changed

Not even middle school P.E. locker rooms could squash my fear of changing in front of an audience. If you shared a room growing up or were raised in a large family, you might not be so self-conscious about casually undressing with others around. Other private things, like urinating, are meant to be a solo experience for only children, as noted by Mary Elizabeth Williams, “My girlfriend with three sisters will never understand my horror around peeing in front of people. It’s not an accident that I work in solitude.” It’s fine to want to keep those things a mystery from others, as they’re so personal.

7. Go to movies

You don’t need to be an only child to see a flick by yourself, but some folks are too afraid of how this might seem to fellow audience members that they stay home and wait for the film to go on DVD. When friends of mine weren’t interested in paying for a movie I really wanted to catch, I went alone, only to be told by someone else that people who eat dinner or go to the cinema without any company should be on suicide watch. Only children recognize this is a silly conclusion to make, as they didn’t have siblings to enjoy movies with during childhood.

6. Open holiday presents

Half the fun of Christmas Day is opening gifts with others, and when you only have mom and dad to share the moment with, the experience just isn’t as fun. That’s why I always waited until the morning of the 25th to unwrap everything, and I’d do it with the TV on. The Christmas Story kids and Home Alone’Kevin McCallister are better company than your parents.

5. Entertain themselves


Going out to eat with my parents and their friends was such a bore growing up. They’d talk about dull adult stuff while I had to find ways to keep myself occupied. If there weren’t any other children around, I colored. Or I read. Grownups would marvel at how well I could entertain myself, but it was either that or bug them all night, and that would land me in time-out. Only children seem to be better at tolerating boredom because they were always faced with it as youngsters.

Previous page 1
newsletter illustration

Giggles in Your Inbox