Recently it was revealed that the popular Twitter handle @Horse_eBooks was not algorithmically generated spam as once believed, but actually just two funny dudes who work at BuzzFeed. This revelation has technologically, scientifically and ideologically reinforced that human beings can still do a few things better than computers. Like compassion and social media.
So, take that, Blade Runner!
Here are a few prospective parody Twitter accounts that I wish existed so we can one day show our future robot overlords that humor will always belong to humans.
@OmegaDeltaDylan: If Bob Dylan were in a sorority.
Example Tweet(s): Where have you been my blue-eyed son? Cause I tried texting you like a hundred times!
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. And the answer is always the OMEGA DELTA SISTERHOOD!
@DCOM_rejects: The Disney Channel original movie ideas that were pitched but never saw production.
Example Tweet(s): ‘What a Drag:’ A young drag racer and a young drag queen form an unlikely friendship when forced to plan decorations for the ‘Under the Sea’ themed prom.
@existentialEDC: The patrons of the Electric Daisy Carnival contemplating some of life’s biggest questions.
Example Tweet(s): “What if I peaked in high school?” Said the guy in the neon blue spandex bike shorts and glow stick vest.
If I were to listen to Skrillex alone, in the forest, would I still enjoy it?
@TommyLeeLunchDate: The wisdom and wit imparted upon any individual who has lunch with no-nonsense actor Tommy Lee Jones.
Example Tweet(s): “If you smile then the whole world smiles with you?” Huh, I can personally negate that claim.
Rhubarb pie is the only pie for me.
@Moby_Dicks: The prose of Herman Melville’s seafaring novel translated using common ‘bro’ vernacular.
Example Tweet(s): What up man? The name’s Ishamel. Wanna hear about my shitshow of a weekend all cuz of this dumbass whale?
@WWMBD: What would Michael Bay do?
Example Tweet(s): EXT. Field. Morning. The tall grass sways gently in the springtime breeze. The dew dots the green GIANT ROBOT TRUCK.
INT. Living room. A couple on couch EXPLOSION. They continue to watch new Big Bang Theory. CAR CRASH. Leonard makes a joke. ENTER SHIA LABEOUF.
@CollegiateKarlMarx: If the philosophical proletariat tried to fit in at a contemporary university by referencing popular culture.
Example Tweet(s): From each according to his meal plan, to each according to his alcohol tolerance.
Twerkers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your minds!!!
If any of the above are funny, can someone please make them? I am far too lazy and I don’t count myself as having the wit nor gumption to sustain any sort of Twitter personality.
Do it for me. Do it for the human race.
Featured image via.