6 Things I Want to Happen in 2013 That Probably Won't

I understand that HelloGiggles is about positivity, and I like positivity; happy is good, but I might have to subvert that a bit. Here is a list of things things that I want to happen this year that probably won’t.

Me going to space
I’m 24, and I’ve lived a mostly sedentary life of Internet use, writing, reading books, pining, pretending to learn political science and thinking about the universe. I will see relatively none of that universe, because I will never go to space*. In order to be an astronaut, there are a lot of things you have to do, a lot of training you must undertake. My un-Earthing opportunities have passed; I would’ve had to start studying engineering and training and stuff years ago. Unless I get really rich or become Lance Bass one day, I’m forever earthbound, and I am definitely earthbound in 2013.

*Even those who have gone to the moon have still seen relatively zero of the universe…

Federally Legalized Gay Marriage
It might be out of place for me, as a heterosexual, to be cynical in this regard, but I am entirely sure that we won’t see nationally enforced legalization of gay marriage in the form of a bill, amendment or Supreme Court decision within the confines of this year. There is just too much hate running around being all ignorant and such for this to happen.

The real, logical solution – separating marriage from the government so they grant EVERYONE civil unions and leaving the symbol that is marriage to the religious institutions – is probably even further off because I think it’s actually illegal to say logical things anywhere within Washington DC.

Gay marriage is one of few issues in the national mind that has a definite objective answer – yes, love is a good thing – so it is unfortunate that we’re not evolved enough as a culture in 2013 to accept that.

Continuations of these series
Freaks and Geeks
Community (w/ Dan Harmon)
– Party Down
Clone High
– A good Twilight Zone reboot
Pete and Pete (as sad grown-ups)
Arrested Development
– A check-in on Rory Gilmore

An End to Anti-Intellectualism
A lot of our culture today isn’t just dumb, it’s actively anti-smart. Our music and television asserts that being cool and/or attractive is not only better than being smart, but incongruent with being smart. Knowing stuff (and wanting to know stuff) needs to be cool again.
Even TV shows that pretend to be pro-intellectual like The Big Bang Theory present so-called nerds as social pariahs full of fandom cliches. 2013 will not see the end of this trend.

These Inventions
– Toothpaste that doesn’t make orange juice taste weird.
– Nicotine patch but with caffeine.
– Carb-free bagel.
– Magic wand.
– E-book reader that shows what you’re reading on the back so you can be pretentious in the 21st century.
– Magic without the need for a wand.
– Affordable personal jetpack.
– Sharper cheddar cheese.
Time travel. (We got this, you’re wrong, sincerely, you in the future)

Less Internet, More ‘Real Life’
Yeah, the internet is real life. Everything you’ll ever experience is real life (remember thinking in college that you weren’t in ‘real life’ yet? That was real life.) I want us to be less wired, less reliant on experiencing everything with the digital medium as a barrier between ourselves and the real world.

I’m sure millions of New Year’s Resolutions involved less computer and smart phone time, but that isn’t enough to steer us away from a society where everything is filtered through the internet and social media, and I don’t mean Hudson or Lo-Fi. It will only get worse.

Featured image via TeachDeep

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=506585130 Colleen Sweeney

    I wouldn’t mind if they brought Clone High back. It’s the only show on your list I did watch as a teenager. And I wouldn’t mind if intellectualism (not nerd culture like Big Bang Theory) was actually normal again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=68600216 Janelle Linus Hann

    Try ‘unexpected cheddar’ from trader joe’s. Not necessarily sharper, but certainly unexpected. Also, Scottish mature cheddars are pretty sharp…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1247940126 Rachel Barth

    I want nothing more in life than a check-in on Rory Gilmore. Did she cover Obama’s 2012 campaign? Is she married to Jess yet? So many questions.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=841045269 Rafaela Gerson

    Loved the mention of the dredful combination of toothpaste and orange juice. And so good to know that Rory Gilmore still receives lots of love. Please Amy Sherman hear our prayers!

  • Marianna

    I laughed out loud! Good job Sean. Very funny stuff! Thanks for this.

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