I am 22 years old and I have been in therapy of some sort off-and-on (mostly on) since I was 9. I’ve gone through countless therapists. I’ve hated them all. Just because someone you trust recommends a therapist to you does not mean that they are right for you. Finding your perfect therapist is like finding your soulmate. They are out there somewhere! You just unfortunately and unpleasantly may have to try out a few not so great ones to find the perfect one.
Here are six signs you may need to continue your search for the right therapist:
They are not on your side
Yes, there are certain issues your therapist may disagree with you about, but your therapist should be on YOUR SIDE and looking out for YOUR best interest, keeping nobody in mind but YOU. If you feel they are not… time to get OUTTA THERE!
They have someone else in their ear
I can’t stress this enough. If your therapist is accepting calls from a parent or significant other, GET OUTTA THERE!! Your therapist should never have someone else in their ear. They need to hear stories from you, in your voice, your point of view and your opinion.
You can’t think of things between sessions you NEED to tell them
I have an ongoing note on my phone of things that happen during the week that I just HAVE to tell my therapist when I see her the following week. If you cant think of things to talk about with them, or aren’t itching to tell them something that has happened, maybe you don’t trust them fully, consciously or subconsciously. Loooong silences in therapy aren’t only awkward and a waste of time, but a sign that neither you nor the therapist are too invested in what’s going on. If you have made the effort to go, you must have something to say.
Going there is a chore
This is a big one. If going there does not feel like a ton of bricks being lifted off your back and if it’s a chore or an obligation, time to switch! If you find yourself cancelling sessions last minute because you just can’t face your therapist that day, time to switch! Your therapist should be your savior, your guru, your leader to sanity – anything but someone whose presence annoys you or whose opinion you do not respect and value.
They don’t return calls or are never available
Your therapist should ALWAYS return your calls in a timely fashion. You should be able to text them if something is urgent. And they should check their messages!! If they don’t meet these standards…YOU’RE OUTTA THERE!
You don’t cry at least once a month
If you aren’t leaving the office in tears at least once a month after making a serious realization about yourself… you might be wasting your time. The whole point of going to therapy is to talk about things that you don’t want to talk about. To bring up the pain and difficulties of life. Those are bound to bring out some tears right? RIGHT! It’s part of the therapist’s job to make you feel as though you are in an environment where it is okay to cry. Or you may just be talking about fluff; in which case, you are playing for small talk. Time to GET OUTTA THERE!
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