People-pleasers, mega multi-taskers and generally overworked perfectionists, listen up! Regardless of the fact that you are convinced you can handle it all, the world can be a cruel place and the universe feels the need to remind you every once in a while that you are not, in fact, a superhero. Try as we might to put on a perfectly poised happy face, there are those moments where our breaking point is just waiting in the wings. The most unfair part? As we sit on the verge of a completely epic meltdown, our generally positive, can-do attitude and obsessive compulsive tendencies leave us oblivious to the event at hand. So, as everyone else begins the countdown to detonation, we blissfully carry on in the pursuit of world domination. Familiar as I am with this type of life event, I am here to right the wrong and clue you in on the events leading up to the moment we all crack under the pressure. Ladies and gents, here are six signs you are about to have a meltdown. If you are currently overwhelmed and not sure you have the time to read this column in it’s entirety, I advise you put it on your to-do list to come back later and review.
Overuse of the phrase “I’m fine!”
For real, you are like the modern version of Ross Gellar when he finds out Rachel and Joey want to date each other. “I’m fine” has become your response to any question remotely centered around your feelings and usually means that you are too overwhelmed to express that you are scared, overworked, sleep deprived, angry, over committed and generally unsure which end is up. Note, when you begin to use the phrase in a high, shrieking tone like everybody’s favorite paleontologist or yelling this lie in the direction of the person concerned for your mental health, you are mere seconds away from spontaneously combusting.
These days, if it is happening in our lives, we express it via Twitter because obviously, the entire world needs to know how we are feeling at any given moment. Pre-meltdown, this form of social media is like a desperate, unintended cry for help. In real life you are wavering back and forth between your belief that you are queen of everything, poised to take on the world, and that looming sense of utter despair that makes you want to throw in the proverbial towel and drink a bottle of wine while watching When Harry Met Sally. The day usually starts and ends with an inspirational quote or limerick about grabbing life by the horns, but somewhere in the middle you lose it and let your followers know that you are heading to Starbucks for your fifth latte of the day, hoping to find a piece of your sanity along the way. Bottom line: if your Twitter feed reads like a confused teenager coming into their own, your meltdown awaits.
You can’t make a decision to save your life.
Normally action-oriented, your emotions are running so high you can’t decide if you should go to Ikea or clean your apartment first on a Saturday morning without calling for a second opinion. Family members and friends are consulted every five minutes because subconsciously, you know that one wrong move and it all comes crashing down. Obviously, you’re looking for someone to help shoulder the blame of the impending doom. Advice-givers, beware!
You’ve turned into a big bully.
Your loved ones are considering turning you over to that group that runs the anti-bullying campaign for the number of fights you have picked with them over completely insignificant details as of late. I know it may seem like a big deal that your mom took your brother out for ice cream instead of you but I promise, in a world that doesn’t involve you approaching a mental breakdown, you could care less. I would tell you to cut everyone a break, but I know you simply can’t.
Emotional eating has commenced.
You can no longer express your feelings so you have resulted to eating them. The guy at the fro-yo joint knows you by name and it isn’t because he is hitting on you; it is because chocolate hazelnut and original swirl with granola, strawberries and Nutella has served as dinner six out of the past seven nights and has been an afternoon indulgence on two occasions. Yes, that’s right, you’ve probably had it twice in one day. It is at this point that you are dangerously close to realizing the real reason for your love affair with the frozen treat: your impending loss of sanity.
Intense emotional involvement in all things pop culture (at a higher level than what already occurs on the regular which, to be clear, I still endorse.) Also known as uncontrollable crying at random things, i.e. reality television, that HelloGiggles article on friendship, Rachel Berry’s rendition of ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ when her fellow Glee members appeared as if from no where or the end of Breaking Dawn. Yes, HelloGiggles writers are extremely talented (wink, wink!) and yes, Rachel Berry’s voice is perfection, as are the friendships on Glee. It is true that the Cullen’s defeating the Volturi signified the end of an era, so we’ll try to cut each other some slack here, but take note. Crying in your wine while indulging in two or more forms of entertainment in one week should make you question your emotional stability. Naturally, you are refusing to cry over your own life (yet) so you are projecting the waterworks on all the pop culture you are emotionally invested in. Keep those tissues close because the real flood gates are about to open.
Sound eerily familiar? Did you check off multiple (ALL) of the above? Well then my friend, you have fallen victim to the inevitable meltdown. Maybe you are on your way to having one right now. It happens to the best of us so don’t be too hard on yourself! There is really no preventing it but, at least now you know the warning signs. It is noteworthy that they often happen in no particular order, but from experience, I tend to advise that you stock up on the wine or ice cream and get the bestie on speed dial as you near crossing off the third and fourth sign. This will give you ample time to settle in and embrace what’s about to go down. After all, there is nothing wrong with a good cry when the going gets a little tough!
Now, go watch a funny video on HelloGiggles! Steer clear of those tear jerkers for a while!
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