It’s Valentine’s weekend, which means love isn’t only in the air, it’s plastered everywhere. Whether you’re blasting ’90s love ballads, sharing (or hoarding) a Whitman’s Sampler, or hosting an anti-Valentine’s Day party, remember that you always have our hearts. Will you be our Valentines, Gigglers?
In honor of cupid’s big night out, we’ve compiled some of our favorite (un)romantic stories from the past year of “The Week In WHAT?!” Cheers!
Centaurs = Aphrodisiacs?
Worried about going stag to your next family event? Post an ad for prospective dates on Craigslist! Oh, just don’t forget the insanely outside-the-box photo of yourself as a CENTAUR. At least, that’s what worked wonders for a pair of single bros living in New York. After being told it was “mandatory” for them to bring dates to their cousin’s wedding, they posted a note in the “activity partners” section of the popular classifieds site. Within a day, their not-so-indecent proposal went viral and netted over 500 responses. Ladies, if you’re up for a wildly mysterious night of wining and dining with a set of mythical quadrupeds, then you best reach out ASAP to nail down your own hunkahunka Burning Love adventure. (Reprinted from 2/24/2013)
A Wii Bit of a Violent Overreaction?
When it comes to video games, a little competitive fire is to be expected. As one gets caught up in the heat of the moment, an occasional friendly wager can even add to the excitement. Just make sure you’re not inadvertently putting your life at risk by taking the bet too seriously, which appears to be what happened between one Canadian couple. Keith Wiens, a retired Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer, is facing murder charges for shooting his wife in the head after she urged him to make good on a Wii-related sex bet. While not denying that he killed her, Wiens told the court he was acting in self defense. Gamers, be careful out there! (Reprinted from 7/21/2013)
Ex-Girlfriend Gets Handsy During Ballsy Break Up Move
Let this be a lesson to always gird your loins when danger approaches. A man in South Carolina is nursing his black-and-blue balls back to health after his ex-girlfriend allegedly played a round of grab, twist, pull with his junk. According to reports, Jennifer Singletary appeared to be intoxicated when she arrived to pick-up her belongings from Sonny Dolquist. He says she forced her way into the home after he refused to grant her entrance. The situation quickly escalated as Singletary “squeezed his testicles to the point they were bleeding.” OUCH! (Reprinted from 10/13/2013)
Dating in 5 Minutes or Less?
Relationships are life’s little roller coaster ride. Together, you and your significant other soar to new highs and crash hard upon hitting new lows. Even when you think you’ve finally found your ideal mate, some unforeseen event can lead to an entire meltdown of an otherwise well-oiled machine. We’ve all been there, and some unfortunately more frequently than others. That’s why we think these two improvisors nailed it when it comes to all of the emotions one goes through while dating in the year
2013 2014. (Reprinted from 10/20/2013)
Bro-hoes Cut From the Same Cloth
Bros-before-hoes is no longer just a simple “guy code.” In a new viral video, two bromantic dudes unfortunately wax poetic about being “eskimo brothers,” which means they’ve bedded the same girl at some point in their respective sex lives. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “score!” However, before guys continue to high five each other over being eskimo brothers, they might want to consider all the other potential things they’re now sharing. Cool story, bro. (Reprinted from 11/30/2013)
With This Ring, I Thee Arrest
While Justin Timberlake stopped in the middle of a recent concert in Kentucky to help an audience member propose, an Oklahoma man found himself getting down on one knee in front of his girlfriend with a different kind of fanfare. As Justin Harrel prepared to ask for his special lady’s hand in marriage, a police officer spotted the couple in a local park and arrested Harrel, who had two outstanding warrants to his name. During the arrest, Harrel asked the cop for five more minutes, explaining his intentions to propose. The officer returned to the scene with Harrel so that he could pop the question. She said yes. Here’s hoping that the engagement ring wasn’t purchased with one of his bogus checks! (Reprinted from 12/22/2013)
And there you have LOVE in the key of “WHAT?!” Can’t wait to see what’s in store for humanity next!