6 Arguments You Can Expect at Thanksgiving DinnerMia Galuppo

Thanksgiving is all about family and togetherness, as in you will give thanks when your entire family no longer occupies the same room together.

When the turkey, alcohol and opinions all assemble, these are a few of the arguments that are likely to transpire.

1. Whether or Not Your Brother Should Shave His Facial Hair

It seems like he has been working towards this unimpressive, patchy pseudo-stubble since he hit puberty.

Your mom hates it. Your dad thinks he should be able to do what he wants. You are just happy that you get to sit silently next to your great-uncle Jess as he recounts the life and times of Winston Churchill.

2. Whether or Not You Should Give that “Match.com Thing” a Try

At the ripe old age of twenty-four, your more distant family members are becoming increasingly concerned about your marital prospects.

3. Why Generation [______] Doesn’t know How Good They Have It

Your grandpa will say how the boomers are a bunch of yuppies and your parents will talk about how Gen Y are elitist and unrealistic then the Y-ers will complain about the diminishing social security and poor job market brought about by the fiscal decisions of the latter two generations.

No matter the demographic, all will be in agreement that those pesky preteens really don’t know how good they have it.

4. What Gluten Actually Is

Your weird cousin Alex knows it has to do with allergies “or something like that.” Your uncle John that has the limp says it’s a “load of crap, whatever it is.” And your kindly grandmother thinks it’s that dance that “the Miley Cyrus girl is always doing.”

5. Something About Politics

This is a mainstay. As ingrained into Thanksgiving lore as corn husks or shoe buckles or racial epithets.

Thanksgiving affords us the time to contemplate all the wonderful things that we are so blessed to have in our lives. And, by the end of the night, you will feel that a bipartisan political system is not one of them.

6. Who’s Hosting Christmas

The equation used to solve the annually-posed question of who will host Christmas dinner is an algorithm that can only understood by those in your family.

“Since aunt Pam and uncle Rob had it last year, and because grandma and grandpa had it the year prior and, because it is a leap year, Frank can’t really do it anymore, so it should technically be cousin Nolan. But cousin Nolan is unable to do it because of Jerry’s boyfriend’s son’s bar mitzvah so then we will skip forward to 2016 when Ralph is supposed to do it, but he can’t cause he’s getting that vasectomy he’s been putting off, so I guess we should just take December 25th, divide by twelve and then we got it! Pam and Rob’s Yorkshire terrier will host.”

Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments so that we can all properly prepare.

Guys, we’ll get through it together.

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  1. The “when are you having kids?” conversation. This applies to new couples, couples who have been dating for a while, couples who are getting married, newlyweds, or couples who have been married a few years. Either way, you are still not having kids fast enough for some people, namely your crazy aunt who has no kids of her own, or your mother who is dead set on being the best grandma to walk the earth. It’s enough to make you want to stock up on enough condoms for the next three years and fill your prescription for birth control pills in bulk out of spite.

  2. The “I’m bringing home my significant other to Thanksgiving” conversation. Everyone at the table will tell embarrassing stories about you to your boyfriend and they’ll expect him for thanksgiving next year, and he should propose already b/c 2 months is a long time..and etc..