In recent months, articles and videos with titles like “Trends Guys Hate But Women Love” or “How to Be the Perfect Girlfriend” have been springing up all over. Women everywhere gasped collectively in horror as fashion staples like floppy hats and the iconic red lip were nitpicked and habits such as “making sandwiches for his guy friends on poker night” were pushed (I know – and yes, it’s a real thing). It’s high time we do more than stand our ground. I heretofore present, in retaliation of all things sexist and shameful, the official list of “Things Guys Do That Girls Hate” for your reading pleasure (…and before you go jumping down my throat, boys, you may want to skip to #5 first):
1. Make lists complaining about the things we like to wear.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that my wedge sneakers offended you so much. Would you like me to throw them in the garbage with every single item of clothing in my wardrobe that displeases you, my lord? The last time I checked, no one was writing sumptuous articles detailing exactly why men wearing cargo pants and Crocs together creeps the hell out of us. We understand that there’s more to a man than his clothing choices… like good humor and kindheartedness. Please repay the favor. Personal style is something many women use simply as an outlet to express individuality and mood, so unless you’re interviewing her for a job or asking for fashion advice, it’s probably best not to compile a power-point presentation on why you think her peplum skirt is so ugly.
2. “Fat-Shame”, “Slut-Shame”, ANYTHING-Shame.
Major point deduction. How much she weighs, how many sexual partners she’s had and how much (or little) money she makes are none of your business unless she makes it so. Never tease her if she’s gained weight after going off of birth control pills (which is completely normal, by the way), and definitely don’t poke her tummy and say, “You got a bit of baby fat on ya… right there” (this actually happened). Calling other women “whores” around her will not win you any points. If you see a woman in a magazine, on television or at the beach wearing a particularly cheeky bikini, do NOT make it your job to take her down verbally by labeling her a “slut”. Maybe she’s just lost a little weight after having a baby and wants to flaunt her hard work and feel good about herself. If a girl wants to eat that second helping of breadsticks or chicken nuggets, don’t comment on it (unless you wanted it first). Seriously, this rule isn’t that difficult. Just don’t be a jerk.
3. Group us into “categories”.
I think it was Amber Heard’s character who said it best in the movie Syrup:
“Men categorize women in one of four ways: Mothers, Virgins, ‘Sluts’ and Bitches. None of the above is suitable for the [modern woman].”
Just because she reads Russian literature and attends V-Day rallies, it doesn’t mean she’s a man-hating “Feminazi” (which is not only degrading, but generally offensive, as well). If she likes kittens and beautiful sundresses and glossy lipstick, don’t assume she won’t Elle Woods her way past your judgmental and slightly off-color remark about “good girls” and show you up in front of all your friends. We know that there’s more to you than football and beer or Star Wars and Xbox. Give us the benefit of the doubt like we do for you and things will go a lot more smoothly.
There’s an easy way around this. If you think a woman is beautiful or you think her laugh is out-of-this-world-sexy, tell her if you must… but tell her politely. Find a sweet or creative way to do it. When the man next to me in line at the coffee shop waited until I had picked up my drink and then politely complimented my smile, I was flattered. When the guy walking behind me at a music festival yelled, at the top of his lungs, “GIRL, that’s a nice ass!, and his friends whistled, I felt publicly violated, especially when he then called out, “Hey, bitch! I know you heard me – stop being like that! I’m just paying you a compliment!”
Our society has a lengthy track record of violence against women, specifically when they refuse to submit to sexual pressure whether verbal or physical. If you catcall a woman on the street and she starts to walk faster or locks her car door, just remember that she has an entire backlog of violent encounters in her brain that are screaming at her to run.
Catcalls are never sexy. Did you get that? Catcalls. Are. Never. Sexy. Just don’t.
5. Assume that we think all men agree with the misogynistic jerks who wrote the aforementioned “Perfect girlfriend” articles.
Come on. Did you really think we assumed all men agree with those punks? We’re well aware that plenty of men out there are good guys just looking to catch a break. They’re like us—trying to get by on a less-than-desirable paycheck, booking flights to random places around the world, playing Cards Against Humanity and preparing to cheer on Team [Insert Country Here] in the upcoming Olympic Games in Sochi.
Women simply want to be respected as thoughtful and kind, not unlike men. So, asking us to shave the hair on our arms or ditch our cool blazers and sneakers because “you’re a woman, not a man”?
Well. May the odds be ever in your unfortunate favor.
What other things do you wish guys knew about women?