5 Things Guys Do That Girls HateMelanie Schmitz

In recent months, articles and videos with titles like “Trends Guys Hate But Women Love” or “How to Be the Perfect Girlfriend” have been springing up all over. Women everywhere gasped collectively in horror as fashion staples like floppy hats and the iconic red lip were nitpicked and habits such as “making sandwiches for his guy friends on poker night” were pushed (I know – and yes, it’s a real thing). It’s high time we do more than stand our ground. I heretofore present, in retaliation of all things sexist and shameful, the official list of “Things Guys Do That Girls Hate” for your reading pleasure (…and before you go jumping down my throat, boys, you may want to skip to #5 first):

1. Make lists complaining about the things we like to wear.

I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that my wedge sneakers offended you so much. Would you like me to throw them in the garbage with every single item of clothing in my wardrobe that displeases you, my lord? The last time I checked, no one was writing sumptuous articles detailing exactly why men wearing cargo pants and Crocs together creeps the hell out of us. We understand that there’s more to a man than his clothing choices… like good humor and kindheartedness. Please repay the favor. Personal style is something many women use simply as an outlet to express individuality and mood, so unless you’re interviewing her for a job or asking for fashion advice, it’s probably best not to compile a power-point presentation on why you think her peplum skirt is so ugly.

2. “Fat-Shame”, “Slut-Shame”, ANYTHING-Shame.

Major point deduction. How much she weighs, how many sexual partners she’s had and how much (or little) money she makes are none of your business unless she makes it so. Never tease her if she’s gained weight after going off of birth control pills (which is completely normal, by the way), and definitely don’t poke her tummy and say, “You got a bit of baby fat on ya… right there” (this actually happened). Calling other women “whores” around her will not win you any points. If you see a woman in a magazine, on television or at the beach wearing a particularly cheeky bikini, do NOT make it your job to take her down verbally by labeling her a “slut”. Maybe she’s just lost a little weight after having a baby and wants to flaunt her hard work and feel good about herself. If a girl wants to eat that second helping of breadsticks or chicken nuggets, don’t comment on it (unless you wanted it first). Seriously, this rule isn’t that difficult. Just don’t be a jerk.

3. Group us into “categories”.

I think it was Amber Heard’s character who said it best in the movie Syrup:

“Men categorize women in one of four ways: Mothers, Virgins, ‘Sluts’ and Bitches. None of the above is suitable for the [modern woman].”

Just because she reads Russian literature and attends V-Day rallies, it doesn’t mean she’s a man-hating “Feminazi” (which is not only degrading, but generally offensive, as well). If she likes kittens and beautiful sundresses and glossy lipstick, don’t assume she won’t Elle Woods her way past your judgmental and slightly off-color remark about “good girls” and show you up in front of all your friends. We know that there’s more to you than football and beer or Star Wars and Xbox. Give us the benefit of the doubt like we do for you and things will go a lot more smoothly.

4. Catcalls.

There’s an easy way around this. If you think a woman is beautiful or you think her laugh is out-of-this-world-sexy, tell her if you must… but tell her politely. Find a sweet or creative way to do it. When the man next to me in line at the coffee shop waited until I had picked up my drink and then politely complimented my smile, I was flattered. When the guy walking behind me at a music festival yelled, at the top of his lungs, “GIRL, that’s a nice ass!, and his friends whistled, I felt publicly violated, especially when he then called out, “Hey, bitch! I know you heard me – stop being like that! I’m just paying you a compliment!”

Our society has a lengthy track record of violence against women, specifically when they refuse to submit to sexual pressure whether verbal or physical. If you catcall a woman on the street and she starts to walk faster or locks her car door, just remember that she has an entire backlog of violent encounters in her brain that are screaming at her to run.

Catcalls are never sexy. Did you get that? Catcalls. Are. Never. Sexy. Just don’t.

5. Assume that we think all men agree with the misogynistic jerks who wrote the aforementioned “Perfect girlfriend” articles.

Come on. Did you really think we assumed all men agree with those punks? We’re well aware that plenty of men out there are good guys just looking to catch a break. They’re like us—trying to get by on a less-than-desirable paycheck, booking flights to random places around the world, playing Cards Against Humanity and preparing to cheer on Team [Insert Country Here] in the upcoming Olympic Games in Sochi.

Women simply want to be respected as thoughtful and kind, not unlike men. So, asking us to shave the hair on our arms or ditch our cool blazers and sneakers because “you’re a woman, not a man”?

Well. May the odds be ever in your unfortunate favor.

What other things do you wish guys knew about women?

 

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  1. I love this, thank you!!!

  2. m sorry, though I love your writing, love your voice, but this article is a little bit hypocritical. Tossing out #5 like it’s some sort of nod to the (majority) of guys that don’t act like total douches doesn’t really fly. (ps, you just categorized guys after slamming guys for categorizing women). If you really want to find the source of slut shaming, unfortunately, you have to look to…. women. Instead of banding together in a sisterhood, it’s magazines, media and other women that are the WORST at making each other feel inadequate. Most articles written by men (even in Maxim, GQ and Askmen.com) are actually female-forward. Maybe we should storm Cosmo for all of it’s unacceptable “don’t” lists in fashion. Again, I love your voice, but… careful how you judge, ladies, lest you end up looking like catcall douches, too.

  3. I’m sorry, though I love your writing, love your voice, but this article is a little bit hypocritical. Tossing out #5 like it’s some sort of nod to the (majority) of guys that don’t act like total douches doesn’t really fly. (ps, you just categorized guys after slamming guys for categorizing women). If you really want to find the source of slut shaming, unfortunately, you have to look to…. women. Instead of banding together in a sisterhood, it’s magazines, media and other women that are the WORST at making each other feel inadequate. Most articles written by men (even in Maxim, GQ and Askmen.com) are actually female-forward. Maybe we should storm Cosmo for all of it’s unacceptable “don’t” lists in fashion. Again, I love your voice, but… careful how you judge, ladies, lest you end up looking like catcall douches, too.

  4. I love this :D

  5. The catcalls. I live in NY and guys go “WHOA YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER” and me politely (let me reiterate, POLITELY) refusing turns into “FINE! YOU’RE UGLY ANYWAY BITCH!” Whoooaaaaa, I’m sorry I hurt your inflated ego… but why in the fuck would I even reconsider giving you any chance after that?

  6. #6 Rating women from 1 to 10 based on looks.

  7. Immediately go for the menstrual explanation of any behavior they don’t like.

  8. THANK YOU! This is SOOO right!

  9. I wish guys would stop putting their dating expectations on me. Like, “I am really into blonde girls, I wish you had blonde hair.” Well, no one’s stopping you from dating me and I’m certainly not going to change myself for someone who doesn’t care for me the way I am. You picked me, so your choice. Also, boys assuming that it’s okay to touch me whenever. I had a boyfriend who thought it was okay to just touch me whenever. There was even a time when he touched my butt in the mall with my parents behind me! I laid down the law several times, but he apparently thought I was just “moody” all seven times. It just all comes down to respect…

  10. #2 big time! I had a boyfriend who would point out verbal judgements on other girls we passed. I guess he thought I would be cool with it because he wasn’t talking about me, but it totally rubbed me the wrong way. I mean, if you’re that judgmental over a skirt she’s wearing, who says you’re not thinking those things about me? No thanks.

  11. I would like to add uninvited touching to this list. A guy once poked be in the side numerous times, I politely asked him to stop and eventually slapped his hand away leading him to say the following “Were you molested as a child or something? You have really fast reflexes” (<– things that aren't okay to say ever.)

  12. #5- showing off- I used to think guys were growing out of it, but I suppose even we still play some elementary games (ex: stealing guys’ hats). Sure catch my eye with some grand gesture; be it financial, athletic, daring, romantic or showcasing some new toy. But after that, it starts to get awkward and I start looking over my shoulder for a bunch of dudes or whatever audience he might be trying to impress

  13. Based on the title I doubted this article would deliver anything of interest- then I saw it was HGG and read it- OMG THANK YOU for writting this.
    #5- showing off – I thought men grew out of this- then again I guess we don’t all grow out of stealing their hats (guilty). But driving, skiing, skating (my most recent expérience) or doing anything recklessly for the purpose of FEMALE attention is obnoxious. I mean one little jump I’m like aww- after that I’m like – your bros arn’t here right now….

  14. Thanks for reading, everyone– and thanks for the great commentary! Baby fat? More like winter insulation. :)

  15. Oh that’s a thing? Someone poked my stomach too :/ I never spoke to him again, and he tried so many times to contact me.

  16. The guy I’m dating did the same thing to me. I recently lost 60 lbs and the new guy I was dating poked at my little bit of extra skin around my belly and was like we need to get you doing some crunches. I wanted to punch him. Luckily he realized what an ass he was right after that.

  17. It’s a shame how most of what you said is OBVIOUS, yet some guys (most guys) need to learn…. (Who in the WORLD likes catcalls?!?! Who invented them??!?!)

    Good article :D

  18. I couldn’t agree more with this post and I have anything to add to it. I think that we all feel the same about the way machismo is imposed in our society.

  19. You’re awesome and funny. All of this is so true.

  20. The thing where a guy poked at my baby fat happened to me too. To this day it still makes me cringe to think about that moment where it felt like a lot of my self esteem shattered.