A few months ago, I was having a really hard time and the solution my family and I came up with was that I should get a dog. Because a dog never judges you or thinks you’re strange, a dog will always stick by you no matter what and always be your friend. Right? Wrong! I seem to spend most of my time worrying about what my dog thinks of me. I do understand this is the most insecure a human being can be before they start hacking into their friends’ Facebooks to find out what they are saying about them, but it’s true.
Sometimes I’m convinced she hates me, sometimes I think she likes my mum more than me but most of the time I think she thinks I’m barking mad (excuse the pun). And here are the reasons why:
1. I talk to her like she’s human. My dog is fully aware of the fact she’s not human. She knows she’s covered in hair, half a foot tall and can’t speak. So she’s really confused about why I seem to think she’s human. Why I’m constantly asking her if she likes my outfit, what her opinion on the Hunger Games movie was and whether she too thinks that if Ryan Gosling just met us he would most definitely want to marry us. And this leads me onto point two…
2. I think we are the same person. I do remember a time when there was a ‘me’ and a ‘Posy’ (that’s my dog’s name), but this time is long gone. Now there is just ‘we’. ‘We are big fans of Grey’s Anatomy.’ ‘We do not like wearing jeans.’ ‘We will be at your party, despite the fact we are perfectly aware you only invited the human part of us.’
3. I cry at everything, all the time. I thought when I got a dog, it would be a major comfort. I thought when I started to cry, my dog would be there to comfort me and snuggle. No such luck – my dog hates it when I cry. You can just see the boredom creep into her face as those tears start rolling. As soon as my chin begins to quiver, she literally leaves the room – that’s how uninterested she is. And what makes it worse is that I cry at everything. I cry when a drop a stitch while knitting. I cry when a TV show I love gets cancelled. I cry when I find out there was no Grey’s Anatomy this week. I cry during Grey’s Anatomy at both happy and sad moments. I cry because when I begin to cry my dog leaves the room because she’s so fed up that I’m always crying.
4. I think she is my best friend. To back up my point, here are some word for word extracts from recent conversations with my parents:
Dad: Have all your friends been talking about the Hunger Games all week?
Me: No, Posy hasn’t seen it yet.
Mum: Why don’t you take a friend to that art gallery today?
Me: I don’t think they allow dogs.
Me: Posy, look, I made you a friendship bracelet to prove we are friends forever.
Posy: Leave me alone, I’m trying to eat.
5. I have just written a whole piece for HelloGiggles about why my dog thinks I’m crazy, and that’s a pretty crazy thing to do.