Gumdrop Lane

5 Reasons Kittens and Puppies are Better Than Babies

I’ve never been crazy about babies. They’re fine and all, I guess. I just have no interest. I don’t think most of them are that cute. And they’re sticky and uncommunicative. People try and counter my criticism by saying, “You know, you were a baby once!” And it’s like, what a shrewd observation that has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Who cares if I was once a baby? I didn’t have to take care of me. I didn’t think I was cute. I had my awesome mom and dad to do that stuff.

In any event, there is one sort of baby I like. Baby animals like kittens and puppies. As we all know, I’m way more emotional over animals than humans, so let’s just file my baby animals are better than babies feelings into that drawer. I mean, I’d rather take lessons from a cartoon cat and dog than from any human and I’m doing just fine, so you can trust me.

Here’s why kittens and puppies are better than babies.

1) They are soft.

Some say human babies are soft and I’m sure that’s true, but you don’t really want to sit around petting a human baby. That’s weird. What’s not weird? Petting a puppy. Or a kitten.

2) They don’t incessantly cry, and if they do, it’s cute and not shrill.

I’ve heard puppies and kittens cry and it’s nowhere near as obnoxious as when human babies do it. Human babies are freakin’ loud and pretty much unstoppable. Little kittens and dogs are just mewing and peeping their way to the top of the cute ladder.

3) They are furry.

This is different than softness. Baby animal fur is amazing. It’s even better than adult animal fur, which is already pretty cool. Baby animal fur is so soft it’s like they’re covered in heavenly pajamas.

4) You don’t have to be pregnant.

Pregnancy is such a waste of time. You blow up for 9 months and throw up and swell and sweat and you can’t tie your shoes and junk then POOF! One baby. All that work for one stinkin’ person. Not worth it. This is coming from a gynecologist’s daughter. So I know what I’m talking about. Get a kitten or a puppy and BAM! Instant happiness.

5) Your pet will love you forever.

Your kid could grow up to be a murderer or something. Your kid will most likely scream at you at some point. And as a baby your kid probably doesn’t even know what love is, because it’s a dumb baby. But your kitten/puppy will love you forever and always and will be loyal to you to the end.

Images via frog.me, fanpop.com, archrox.olx.com, puppytoob.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/zurichko Christina Martinez

    Says the person who’s never had children. I know this is meant to be humorous but it comes off as insanely ludicrous.

    • http://www.facebook.com/danii2713 Danielle Allison

      So what? I think having kids is ludicrous. What are you implying, that having a kid magically make you a better person? Because no parent has ever abused or killed their kids, have they?

  • http://www.facebook.com/ashley.petrylak Ashley Petrylak

    Best rationale I have ever heard for not having kids! Love it!

    • Laura Kadner

      Thanks! Kittens and puppies rule.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sandra.lavaniegos Sandra Lavaniegos

    Totally agree with everything awesome post!

  • http://www.facebook.com/katiemcnamara Katie McNamara

    Haha, this is great. Babies suck and they’re loud and they steal your money.

    • Laura Kadner

      They do take all your money for good stuff!

  • http://www.facebook.com/nschink Noella Delaney

    I mean, obviously this list could have been “345,783,900,001 Reasons Why Puppies are Better than Babies” but you really nailed the essence of it :) Thanks for a piece from the what’s-the-point-of-babies perspective that usually gets so much flack these days!

    • Laura Kadner

      I don’t get what’s so great about being pro-baby. Babies are basically just egomaniacal tools that exist without an intellectual purpose. People just satisfying selfishness. If I don’t like’em – big deal! Besides, I could always just adopt a kid. Plenty of kids without parents who deserve love, too!

  • http://www.facebook.com/fashion.is.me123 Taylor Roberts

    I absolutely love this article! I feel exactly the same! :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/alanine.rhenylalanine Alanine Rhenylalanine

    Wow, two anti-baby articles today on Hello Giggles. One article was very well articulated and mature. This one, well… Not that being a parent is for everyone, but sheesh, the tone of your article is unreasonably vitriolic. The line “And as a baby your kid probably doesn’t even know what love is, because it’s a dumb baby,” is ironic, because the intellect of a human baby is arguably at least equivalent to that of a kitten or puppy. But it’s the human baby that wouldn’t recognize love or affection? You’re right – human and animal babies are different, and rearing them is not worthy of comparison, so don’t try to.

    • Laura Kadner

      Sheesh – it’s called humor. Take a chillaxative. I’m perfectly reasonably vitriolic. I didn’t compare rearing them – I simply stated that kitten and puppies are way more awesome than babies. Rear however you want to. Baby animals: Cheaper, easier, cuter. Done!

  • http://www.facebook.com/consumerofnerds Cella Blunck Bowidowicz

    Haha. Well, I admit that I love puppies and kittens but over all I prefer babies. I also say this as person who nannies for a living and currently has a puppy. Personally, I have found babies to be easier to deal with, especially since as babies become kids/teens/adults they eventually learn to take care of themselves. On the other hand, your dog/kitten will pretty much be a baby that you have to take care until they die.

    • Laura Kadner

      Yes – and while dogs and cats are growing up they love you the whole time! You never fight with them and they’re the best friends of whom you could ever dream.

  • http://www.facebook.com/guillermo.verde.5 Guillermo Verde

    Find me a poem about noise ugly babies that is a powerful as this:

    http://webspace.cal.net/~pamgreen/house_dogs_grave.html

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.jenkins.399 Sarah Jenkins

    Babies are not non communicative nor are they unintelligent. I’m an infant teacher and one of my roles is to teach them sign language. I can teach them the sign for eat one day and they’ll be using it by the next. My babies know me and love me, they smile at me, and they give hugs and kisses. My dog and cat on the other hand pee on and chew up my stuff. Its easy to stop a baby from crying if you know what you are doing. Getting my dog to stop incessantly barking at the mailman on the other hand is no easy task. I can snuggle and cuddle with babies. Dogs and cats bite and scratch and try to run away. Trust me loving babies over animals is easy. You must not have spent a whole lot of time with infants.

    • Laura Kadner

      Umm…it’s called hyperbole for humorous purposes. Jeez. You need a chillaxative, too. I’ve had a baby pee on me. It was unpleasant. And when’s the last time you taught a baby to shake hands like an adult? And I’m just not down for wiping something’s butt at this time in my life – and puppies and kittens are wipe free in the piss and poo department. And it’s easy to get a dog to stop barking at anyone if you know what you’re doing. Babies bite. And scratch. And hit people and animals. And I had a friend whose baby RIPPED her earring out of her earlobe and now her earlobe’s in two pieces. She can waggle them around. And babies can’t run away, but that’s just because they can’t run. I just like animals more than babies. Sue me. I’m sorry you’ve never had a good relationship with a species other than your own.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.jenkins.399 Sarah Jenkins

      I understand your love of animals more than you know. I just felt the need to defend what I love. I didn’t mean for you to feel attacked personally. I’m sorry. I just like babies better and wanted to respond to each of your points against them. I don’t think that liking babies more is a crime either do you?

    • Laura Kadner

      No worries – I understand. It did come off a bit agressive to me but I think I’m just fired up from other commentors actual personal critcisms. I think we can all love anything we want to and there’s way more millions of people who prefer babies to pups and kits anyhow. Let us all just love!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jordan.hill.9484 Jordan Hill

    Finally, someone who feels the same way I do!!! It always amazes me how it’s completely acceptable for people to say they don’t like animals but God forbid someone says they like animals over babies…it’s even evident from the comments just how one sided this argument can be. THANK YOU for writing this, nice to know someone else is on my team. 😀

    • Laura Kadner

      I know! Thank you! People don’t need to get so offended. It’s not like I go around spitting on babies or something. I just like animals better! We gotta stick together.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shanna.hamilton.14 Shanna Hamilton

    Yes yes yes! I used to be able to joke about this stuff with my friends all the time.. But now that every single one of them has babies, I seem to carry some sort of plague. I walk down the streets with a “B” on my chest as people shout “Baby hater” and throw stuffed headless kittens at me. (Disclaimer: this is a joke, please don’t send me angry letters.) It’s ok though. My husband let me quit my job to be a self employed artist. You know why? We don’t have the expenses of babies. And when the newest movies come out you know who can go see the midnight premieres? Me, because I don’t need to find a sitter. And I’m never tired in the morning. Why you ask? Because when my baby (a twenty pound cat) gets hungry, she can go feed herself. Im too selfish but I’m ok with that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting babies. I used to think it defined being a woman but I realized it doesn’t. I just wish the rest of the world would, too. I applaud those who do it and do it well, but I’ll stick with animals who can’t tell me how embarrassing I am when I sing N*Sync at the top of my lungs while scrubbing the dishes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/arienvalo Lynn Arien Valo

    Completely agreed! Great article and I’ll need this as proof that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/elle.may.520 Elle May

    agree!

  • http://www.facebook.com/sgijde Stefanie Gijdé

    I’ve got the same thing, I’ll never go aaaaaaw when I see a baby, but I always go aaaaaaaw times dozen when I see kittens or puppies, it’s just stronger then anything I can’t control it, and people were always telling me that would change growing older but it still hasn’t and I don’t think it ever will and it doesn’t need to for me either

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmacfhearadhaigh Sarah Mac Fhearadhaigh

    The top picture alone is reason enough for me!

  • http://www.facebook.com/aurora.deangelis Aurora Waitforit De Angelis

    Nothing makes me happier than my cat (though he’s not a puppy anymore), so I could not agree more!! <3

  • http://www.facebook.com/cookie.krugelhess Cookie Krugel Hess

    My Best Friend, My Partner and My Companion through Life…….My Dogs!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ayoooon Arundhati Anand Velamur

    I love babies and kittens and puppies all equally. But I do think it’s a little unnecessary to compare them! Why can’t a person have them all? It’s a matter of taste, to each his own!

  • http://www.facebook.com/kara.a.buxton Kara Ann Buxton

    I love baby kittens and baby puppies. I love baby humans as well. I am a little offended that HelloGiggles would let their writers say mean things about a baby. Just sayin’

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