Here’s how the 3 cat thing went down. I had one, Debra, then I fostered two week old kittens who were born in a flower pot in an alley on Hollywood and Highland. I fell in love with them, procrastinated bringing them back to the no kill shelter and now it’s 4 months later… and I have 3 cats. I should have returned the kittens 2 months ago… because now they are teenagers… and no one wants an adult cat. This is LA, snitches. The younger the better. Anyway, I love them. They are very sweet and make me happy. When I got them, I had a boyfriend who knew the sitch, so it was all good. And when he dumped my ass 3 months ago, the cats were a source of comfort. And because I was in bed all day everyday in the throws of depression, what the eff did it matter if I had 3 cats or no cats?
Well, I feel better now and I have noticed, on more than once occasion lately, that I didn’t feel comfortable inviting fellas over while I have 3 cats… not because they smelled or anything like that. I just can’t have boys over because I can’t have 3 cats. Society won’t let me. Why won’t society let me have 3 cats, you guys? Why won’t society let me have 2? People have 2 dogs and the world is all, “Whatever, you have 2 dogs, that’s coo, can I take you to dinner?” But own even ONE cat and you’re a “cat lady”.
Am I a “cat lady” because I’m single? Suppose I was married with a kid. Would owning 2 cats be alright then? How about if I were in law school? I only ask this because I only know of one other woman in LA who owns 3 cats. She’s in law school and has a hot boyfriend who has not been scared away by the cats. I asked my friend Gordon if I were in law school would that offset the 3 cat ownership? “Yes,” he said. WTF, Gordo? “So if your job is crazy impressive, you can go to town with the cats?” “Yes,” he says. I hate everyone.
I mean, I know from Twitter that many many people feel embarrassment for owning a cat(s). Can we not anymore? Can we stop making self deprecating jokes about our cats and just sort of OWN our cats? OMGosh, this article just became a rally cry for cat people. I’m going to catch so much shiz.
PS – Please adopt my teenage cats.