Hello everyone! I am the singular broke girl taking over the recaps for 2 Broke Girls! Let’s have fun with this, shall we?

When we last left our darling and plucky two broke girls, they were inching ever more slightly towards their financial goal of starting a cupcake business. It was also revealed that Johnny has the hots for Max and that Johnny has a super cool (and super snotty) British girlfriend.  The heart wants what the heart wants, gentle readers. Caroline wants to get out of Brooklyn and Max still wants to get in Johnny’s pants. What ever shall transpire?

We open this episode with a birthday in the diner. Now, if it was my birthday and I lived in New York (which, oh wait, I do), I would be upset if a friend let me go to a greasy spoon diner to celebrate. One of the best things about dragging your friends to a fancy restaurant on your birthday is tricking them into thinking you feel all embarrassed when the waitstaff comes around to sing “Happy Birthday”.  Do they sing “Happy Birthday” at the diner like they do at the Olive Garden? Well, Caroline tries to. Max just gives a complimentary cupcake of awesome. Then again, I will take any and all free cupcakes on my birthday, so maybe this person is smarter than I thought.

Han lets the girls know that they need to revamp the birthday song. Caroline wants to offer her assistance based upon the fact that she studied music theory and Max mocks her student opus about the French Revolution by explaining Les Miserables already exists.  I’m sad the line of dialogue in this section ended at a Rent joke. I’m curious to know which French Revolution Caroline’s musical was about. I mean, Les Miserables is about the later student revolts of the early 1800′s. Was Caroline’s opus about that time period or about one of Marie Antoinette’s co-horts? I would die to see a musical on Broadway based on Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette (and I would pay money)(just saying, Caroline).

Through this line of dialogue we also discover that Han had a Tiger Mom which adds new pathos and dimension to his character. There’s a reason for his abrasive behavior. He is still hurt inside from not living up to early childhood expectations. Inside we are all lonely and lost children huddled in the storm.

At this point, Johnny enters the diner. Caroline rushes to the kitchen to inform Max that there’s someone in the diner she wants to see. Max is hoping it’s a reality TV star, which builds off the revelation last week that there’s nothing that makes our sassy heroine more gleeful than disgusting reality TV shows. Unfortunately for Max, the diner guest is not the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, but the street artist who has been playing games with her heart.

Caroline is still convinced that Johnny likes Max and that more importantly, he is worthy of Max. They surmise that he must be in the diner because like an honorable man who is in love with two women, he has broken up with one of them (Cashandra) to be with the other (Max). Caroline gives a good pep talk to Max and helps her unbutton her blouse so she can look super sexy for Johnny.

When Max confronts Johnny, he announces to Max that he just wants to be friends. Caroline ends up more pissed off about this than Max is and comes flying into the diner. She has to make a joke about pie to cover up her indignation that love is not real.

Max is starting to be nice to Caroline, which worries Caroline. The fact that Caroline takes Max’s cruel jokes as a sign of friendship proves to me that the character did in fact spend time abroad–specifically in the United Kingdom–where people show their affection by letting you know to your face what they’re saying about you behind your back. Caroline encourages Max to “take to the bed” and sleep off her depression at Johnny’s refusal. Max scoffs at this “Jane Austen” solution and explains that she has a switch that she can use to turn off her emotions. Caroline then leaves the apartment to use wifi at a local cafe to promote their cupcake business. Max sadly starts to bake until Johnny enters.

Max and Johnny start to make out on the kitchen counter and the cupcakes go unbaked. The horse watches on.

We return to the diner where Garrett Morris gets lines! He suggests to Han that he should put more heart in the birthday song. We also learn that Garrett Morris (no, I’m not going to refer to him by his character’s name. This is GARRETT “ORIGINAL SNL CAST MEMBER” MORRIS, people.) played with Marvin Gaye and the Gay Marvins in his time, making him officially the coolest person in the diner–or ever.

Caroline is thrilled to let Max know they got a job selling cupcakes at a frou frou loft event. Max has the reaction you would expect Max would have to the idea of bringing her cupcakes to a frou frou loft event: sarcasm. Caroline mentions that Johnny’s art will be at the frou frou loft event and that it should be fine because Max has turned off the switch controlling her emotions. Then Max reveals she made out with Johnny (and that the horse watched).

Max runs from her feelings into the kitchen, and then she and Caroline run further into the freezer for another one of their “besties in a freezer” chats. Is anyone ever afraid they’ll be locked in the freezer? I kind of am. I’m getting distracted. Caroline preaches the gospel of When Harry Met Sally explaining that men and women can never be friends. Caroline, who is all business, tries to reassure Max that they will just drop off the cupcakes early and avoid seeing Johnny altogether.

Caroline and Max enter a building that smells of “patchouli and pretension”, or every perfume that’s now popular among rich folk. An Asian girl dressed as an upscale rag doll opens the door and lets them know they aren’t just dropping off the cupcakes. They are the caterers! The girls demand to talk to the event organizer and are pawed off to none other than Cashandra.

Cashandra enters looking amazing. Her name means money and her existence means Max’s heart is broken. Cash explains that she hired the girls because Johnny loves Max’s cupcakes so much. There is some awkward double entendre about Max’s cupcakes. Things are getting heavy. Cashandra is organizing the event and Johnny’s silkscreen of him kissing Max is the centerpiece of the gallery (besides a much mentioned, never seen ice penis). Max really really really wants to go, but Caroline explains they can’t be flakes.

An incredibly handsome man carrying a wine box enters the scene. My heart stops. He is Dionysus in flannel. The girls don’t recognize the god in human form, but they recognize the value of his gift. He asks where the wine box goes and they immediately position it next to their cupcakes. Things are looking up. A box of wine can get grown women through anything. Then the god in flannel leaves. The future of the ladies is uncertain.

When we return after commercial break, Max is passing out the cupcakes, but keeping the wine to herself.  Max is smart. Max has also discovered that Cash is school friends with Adele. Max is insecure. There is more mention of the ice penis. It must represent something.

Johnny confronts Max finally and explains that  Cash set the event up for him as a surprise. Johnny explains that they’ve been together two years, which I can attest to is two decades in New York City romance time. Still, Johnny has feelings for Max. Smartly, Max tries to break it up with Johnny. She is sick of falling for the wrong dudes.

Almost immediately thereafter we learn that Max kissed Johnny again.  She explains to Caroline that she meant to only go to the bathroom, but that the bathroom–being trendy–is unisex. Also, Max is drunk.

At this point, Cash deigns to speak to the girls again. She explains that the girls can’t leave until they’ve gotten rid of all the cupcakes. She also cutely suggests that Max leave a chocolate cupcake for Johnny. “They’re his favorite. He’ll take vanilla if it’s available, but he’ll always go back to chocolate.” Max watches Johnny and Cash together and realizes they are a couple. She also realizes that their names combine to create “Johnny Cash”. There’s no way she can compete. She is drunk on wine and wants to die. This moment is perhaps the most “young broke girl in Brooklyn” I’ve seen so far in the show. The writers and performers nailed it. However, they can’t leave until all the cupcakes are gone.

Instead of giving the cupcakes to more art gallery guests, the girls come up with the idea to eat the cupcakes themselves. This translates into drunkenly shoving the cupcakes down their bras. The artsy people of Brooklyn look on convinced it is a performance art piece. The rich people laugh.

We cut to the morning after. Max and Caroline wake up hungover and covered in cake in Caroline’s murphy bed. There’s some jokes about them being lesbians because this is Brooklyn and these girls aren’t afraid to joke about their sexuality. Max muses that although she embarrassed herself last night, they still made $500. At this point, Caroline reveals that she used the money to buy Johnny’s painting of him and Max kissing. Art is usually an investment, but Caroline wants Max to destroy the painting. I still don’t know what the ice penis represented, but I know Johnny’s painting represents their romance. It is destroyed. Catharsis is achieved. The horse watches on.

Max finally takes to bed. Caroline unplugs her alarm clock so she doesn’t have to go to work because Caroline is a good friend.

The horse sees all.

Does anyone else think the horse might have mystical powers? Will there be an episode where we see the girls from the horse’s point of view? Will the horse come to life in a future episode? If so, can Kristen Schaal play the horse?

Also, when will we hear Han’s birthday song? Will the wine dude return with more wine? And of course, will the girls ever reach their monetary goal? They ended this episode at $623.25. The same as last episode.

The journey continues.

Fare thee well until next time, gentle readers.

Featured image via, all episode images via CBS.com.