Greetings again fellow viewers! This is the episode that Molls wrote (So exciting! Congrats and good job, lady!), so let’s get into it.
We open on the diner. Han is uber excited that the clientele is improving. Two parties of hipsters are sharing one booth. Max immediately sighs and drills him on the differences between hipsters and the homeless. I’m glad she did this because I have actually had an experience where I thought a hot guy was hitting on me one time and he was trying to sell me the Spare Change News. Anyway, after helping Han figure out which group is homeless and which is hipster, Han instructs her to kick the unsavory party out. True to form, Max kicks out the hipsters because she doesn’t want to be in another “instagram” photo…and someone on tumblr has created a new blog of photos of Kat Dennings filtered through instagram as a quaint tie-in.
As the diner closes, Caroline brings the last checks over to GARRETT MORRIS and tells Max that some diner patrons stiffed them, but left their camera. Max cheerfully decides to give the camera to Oleg to leave gross pictures on it. As he leaves, GARRETT MORRIS reveals that he can predict the weather and that it’s going to be snow. Caroline shrugs this off, saying it’s too warm in NYC for snow, and besides, snow is fun. Snow is for snow angels and hot cocoa and going to chalets in exotic locales with handsome rich men. Max explains that snow is not fun for poor people–or horses. They argue in the freezer about the weather and the horse’s needs. Afterwards, Oleg enters wearing two layers of furs and announces that snow is indeed coming. Caroline remains unconvinced…
The very next morning Caroline is frantically sweeping snow away from the horse. She is wearing a trash bag like a tourist caught in the rain at a theme park. Max asks where her coat is and discovers it’s on the horse. The horse watches as the girls argue about his safety–and gender identity. Caroline is emphatic that because she worked for Habitat for Humanity that the tarp she stole from a closed store down the street is going to make a quality makeshift stable.
She is, of course, wrong. Max continues to worry about the horse. The horse sees Max’s worry.
Max visits Peach who is freaking out because she’s in the finals for “The Real Housewives of TriBeCa”. The vapid Peach thinks that her daughter’s healthy size is a sign of a weight problem and that her best friend is going to elbow her out of a reality tv spot because of a new disabled pet. Peach announces that she is looking for a damaged pet to impress the producers.
Max is smart, so Max gets an idea. She suggests that she knows of a disabled, gender confused horse that might need a home. Peach’s interest is piqued when she discovers that Caroline Channing owns the horse. She asks Max how she could possibly know the formerly upper class lady and Max fudges that Caroline is her AA sponsor. Peach’s curiosity is sated and suggests that Caroline come over for an interview. Max feels at peace.
Our leading leadies are back at the apartment sitting on Caroline’s murphy bed discussing the horse’s future. Caroline is not thrilled with the idea of giving the irresponsible Peach control of the horse and Max is not thrilled with the idea of the horse staying in her room and pooping on her furniture. Caroline suggests that they house him in a nice stable in Brooklyn, but Max remains unconvinced. Max also offers that she’s not a pet person and suggests that her mom got rid of her early childhood pets. We begin to see more clearly the depths of darkness in Max’s childhood. Caroline steals her computer and checks the browser history to reveal Max’s deep, dark secret…
Max loves kittens! Caroline tries to use Max’s hidden softness to convince her to that the horse shouldn’t go to Peach. The girls try Caroline’s Brooklyn stable plan.
They ride into the stable wearing Oleg’s furs like queens. The stable owner, Tony, is not impressed. He lets them know that the horse is out of shape and no longer a show horse due to lack of exercise. Caroline is aghast. She makes a truly inspired speech about how even though they’ve seen better days, they will rise again. William Wallace couldn’t have said it better to a hoard of Scottish warriors. Our heroines may not have money, but they still have their freedom. With heads held high, they walk out and make jokes about the other horses. The horse hears all and smiles on the inside.
Caroline humbly walks to Peach’s apartment in her trash bag coat. She’s ready to “face reality” and grovel for her horse’s benefit. Unfortunately, Peach has the entire reality show crew in her apartment. Caroline is her freak show pet. When Max tells Caroline this, Caroline is at first upset, but like Simba, decides to remember who she is.
Caroline takes off her trash bag and pulls herself together. Max gets chills from the natural nobility Caroline projects from the inside. Caroline is offering herself up, head held high, to Peach’s freak show court.
Peach and her guest fawn over Caroline’s presence. Max is introduced as an alcoholic and caught gulping free wine (which is the best wine). The horse has a new home.
We close the episode in Peach’s stable. The girls are helping the horse adjust to his new home. Caroline reveals that even though she was caught on film, she didn’t sign the release allowing herself to be exploited on television for Peach’s benefit.
Max reveals she and the horse have an inside joke. Caroline sees the depth of their connection and leaves them in Peach’s stable for a moment. Max tearfully tells the horse that she’s grown attached to him. She doesn’t have a lot of good things in her life and the horse was a good thing. And the horse was fuzzy–that’s not just good, it’s the best. And the horse sees and knows all. The horse knows that Max has been hurt in the past and that her dark humor is a defense mechanism. Max bids adieu to Chestnut and meets up with Caroline. Our ladies soldier on once more.
We end the episode at the same amount we started: $621.25.
Are we really going to have to wait until Spring to see Chestnut again? What happened to the camera? Will there be camera hijinks? And what will Peach do when she learns that Caroline didn’t sign the release?
Until next time, gentle readers…