All the single ladies! All the single ladies! You’ve got it as good as Queen Bey’s dance moves and, in the midst of all my wedding planning madness, I can’t help but be a little nostalgic for that time gone by. So, allow me to channel my inner Tony Robbins and preach for a minute on what every girl should do before letting someone put a ring on it… Should you decide that you would actually like someone to eventually put a ring on it.
1. Fall head over heels in love with the wrong guy. As my grandma and Kelly Clarkson always say, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
2. Teach yourself to cook one thing really, really well. My delicacy is microwaving a bowl of chocolate chips and peanut butter for the perfect length of time to make “Dessert Soup.” I don’t care what yours is, as long as you indulge your inner cavewoman and figure out how to put food on your own table (the Taco Bell drive-through does not count.)
3. Determine which clothes you can just plain wash, which go on the delicate cycle, and which have to be dry cleaned. It will save you loads of heartache and money. #RIPGoldBikiniIPutInTheDryer
4. Chase your dream job. You might feel like a puppy chasing its tail, but that’s better than simply chasing a man.
5. Travel with your girlfriends. Spring break doesn’t count. Learn to say “kiss me” and “I have pepper spray” in a foreign language, and don’t be afraid to shout either.
6. Hang out with your mom. Go through her closet instead of going shopping; her vintage hand-me-downs will be just as glam as any trend on Gilt, and a whole lot cheaper.
7. Declutter your life. Delete the shows from your DVR that you’re never going to watch. Delete toxic friends from your social scene and boys from your heart. Stop calling those organized piles of crap “organized,” and put your stuff where it belongs (*and it may belong in the dumpster. Don’t end up on Hoarders).
8. Create an Outward Bound type self-challenge — maybe not to the extent of Cheryl Strayed in Wild — but, a surfing or sailing lesson.
9. Donate your time. Re-allocate a few of your Facebooking hours to volunteering somewhere, like an animal shelter, so you can “accidentally” come home with a puppy.
10. Stop going on “dates” that aren’t really dates. “Hanging out” is not a date. Neither is watching a guy drink beer and play video games with his friends. That “friends with benefits” situation will eventually lead to having one less friend and no benefits, and you will still be single. Try taking yourself on a date instead!
11. Start saving change from your couch, car and the bottom of your purse for your dream trip to Bali (or just buy a Bali bra. Supes comfs, ladies!)
12. Decide how you feel about having kids. Do you want to be 8 months pregnant at your wedding? Have one kid, or six? Or be that lady I see hiking Runyon Canyon every day, pushing her cat in a stroller instead of a baby? It’s all good, just marry someone who wants the same thing.
13. Learn how to walk in heels and wear red lipstick; but, also learn to have the confidence to go out without any make-up on. Learn how to take a compliment but, more importantly, that you don’t need a compliment to feel good about yourself.
14. Learn how to say “no.” NO. That’s it! You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Stop apologizing for yourself. Just, NO.
15. More importantly, learn how to say “yes.” No one said it better than Aibileen in The Help: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” You deserve to be happy! Figure out what makes you happy and go for it, whether it’s pursuing a career in comedy, ending an unhealthy relationship, or going on a date with a guy who wears black knee socks with shorts (*All of these decisions were the happiest choices I’ve made in my life, and led me to meeting my fiance).
What did I miss, Gigglers? Now put your hands up and tell me, what are the happiest choices you’ve made that belong on this Single Ladies Bucket List?